Read My Lips

Jumbo Mumbo Doll

“Read my lips”, was the instruction.

As always, my earplugs were deeply inserted into my ear canals as I tried to block out the unwelcome background noise on my early morning Virgin Australia flight from Melbourne to Sydney.

The air-hostess, dressed impeccably in her swish fashionably styled Virgin Australia uniform was making an announcement on the PA. I heard not a word, but I understood everything that she said. Yes, I was reading her lips.

A few minutes later, I pondered why? Then it dawned on me. It was her intensely bright red lipstick. Yes, I was fixated on those lips! It wasn’t the form, nor the shape of her mouth, it was the colour. This was the beginning of a theory that needed to be tested further, and I was the man for the job.

That day, I focussed on trying to read the conversations permeating from those around me, what influenced my interest and receptivity in how they delivered their words. You will be pleased to know that I was very academic in my research. I ensured that my analysis environment included a vast number of different types of cafés, restaurants, office foyers, and a rich and random selection of outdoor locations where a full range of men and women (some nude lipped, others lip coloured) were talking. I racked up a long list of expenses on my corporate AMEX card as testament to my investigation, just in case some yet unknown university wanted to continue my research at a later date.

That night, as I sat exhausted in my lush hotel room in Darling Harbour, I collated the copious notes that I had taken throughout the day. After what seemed like hours of intense analysis, the solution became all too clear. The key was in the lipstick colour, the winner, most definitely being bright red.

Now, there is a learning here for those working in the corporate office. Should you want your colleagues to listen to what you say, or to read your lips (should they be audibly challenged, or not really paying attention), then make sure that you wear bright red lipstick as it is the visual reader’s colour of choice.

Although diversity is indeed a requirement in business, I’m not suggesting for a moment that my male colleagues adorn the bright red lipstick (Note to HR: yes, I know, not unless they want to), but a bright red pocket hanky will suffice just as well.

Yes, embellish your body with red, and you will be seen, and most definitely heard.

Free your Hairs

Woman holding hair

I am indeed honoured to receive the 2015 Nobel Prize for Science!

I’m particularly pleased that my academic peers, and the international science community, have now finally accepted my many years of extensive research into hair receptivity and now recognise it as a credible scientific theory into innovative psychology.

Yes, we can now prove without a “reasonable” doubt that there is indeed a direct causal link between an individual’s hair and their ability to think creatively.

It appears that woman throughout the ages have inherently understood this little known fact which is exemplified by their willingness to have long, free flowing hair. Men, on the other hand, have considerably disadvantaged themselves creatively via an interest in having that clean shaven look (face and head), and their hair far too short. To exacerbate the male problem, those with a hairy chest, and those lucky enough to have a hairy back, have hidden their follicle prowess under garments (see the blog post titled “Membership in the League of Hairy Chested Men”) [1]. Age should also no longer be a reason for eliminating bushy eyebrows, hairs permeating in your ears and other less spoken about facial areas.

Thankfully, our proven research will now change this archaic hair behaviour for good.

This ground-breaking research indicates that the volume of hair, regardless of where it is located on the body, acts as a transmitter of creative thoughts, the more hair, the increased ability of the individual to think imaginatively. Yes, this theory does indeed explain the innovation behavioural problem evidenced in cyclists who shave their legs, and swimmers who like that total all over body nude look, specifically high platform divers.

For all you HR Managers reading this blog post, the key to creating a culture of innovation in the corporate office is for your employees to be encouraged to have long hair (both men and women) and for men to grow beards and moustaches. Now for those men fortunate enough to have a hairy chest, yes, the choice is obvious; all business shirts should have no buttons.

Yes, there is one casualty with this research and this relates to the activities of the hairdresser. Demand for haircuts will indeed decrease, yet hair styling will remain constant, so should you be thinking about a career in this field of employment, you have been warned.

In summary, be hairy and let your innovation grow to the fullest.

[1] https://thinkingfuturethoughts.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/membership-in-the-league-of-hairy-chested-men/

Seasonal Dress Solutions for the Discerning Corporate Woman

Smile

In the continuing series of fashion solutions for the corporate woman*, another “Eureka Moment” prevailed on me when walking in Melbourne this afternoon as I noticed a fellow walker struggling with an inappropriate clothing choice.

For those of you that are unaccustomed to the nuances of the weather in this cosmopolitan and dynamic worldly city, let me educate you on the meteorological wonders that commonly prevail with predictable uncertainty. Each day is one of climatic surprise. All four seasons may eventuate, or three of them may be forcefully overpowered with one season that is feeling quite dominant and wanting to make an impression on the unwary female population. As such, your first clothing selection based on your initial weather observations early in the morning may lead to catastrophic clothing wardrobe malfunctions later that day.

Yes, there is an answer. I can already hear the sighs of womanly relief (and from your supportive male colleagues).

What about the following creative wardrobe solutions:

1. The Warming Patch
Why not have “warming patches” sewn into strategic locations in the dress which can be quickly heated via a small battery surreptitiously hidden in a concealed pocket? When it gets cold, with a simple flick of a switch, body heating will immediately prevail.

2. Body Atomiser
On those hot days when the dress fabric is a tad too thick, why not use an all over body atomiser where a fine water particle mist is released thereby initiating a cooling feeling for the individual? A small atomiser nozzle could be built into the side rims of the wearer’s sunglasses or their fashionable cap?

3. Zips
A dress comprised of detachable sections (sleeves, skirt, back, etc) that could be removed (or added to) via the simple use of discrete zips. When the weather gets too hot, just zip off those dress sections that are too heavy and warm, or if a cold wind necessitates additional warm, just zip on an extra piece of clothing?

4. Emergency Solution
If all else fails, what about having a high pitched customised whistle that only your large specially trained fashion dog can hear and respond to within minutes of your plea for help. Upon the whistle activation, the fashion dog leaps out from the centrally located corporate dog kennel fully equipped with a suitable change of clothes, complete with a portable tent for privacy whilst changing your attire.

Now for all you fashion designers reading this blog post (of which I’m sure there are many), don’t forget where you first heard of these remarkable ideas for the corporate woman as I’m sure they will provide an innovation shift in the wardrobe of many a discerning lady. Vogue Magazine, I look forward to my invitation to the Melbourne Fashion Parade!

* https://thinkingfuturethoughts.wordpress.com/2015/02/05/corporate-dress-design-with-wind-gust-resistance/

These Feet are on My Beach!

Miina

Old speedos and my faded blue seersucker shirt were not the appropriate choice of clothing for my daily 5 AM walk along the beach this morning. I was feeling decidedly cold, windblown and wet, but I wouldn’t have changed it for all the money in the world (well, maybe for $2M I could be swayed?). These magical moments alone on the beach were my time for quiet solitude where I could consider life, the universe, and those things really important to me (like what to have for breakfast?). However, this particular morning, I was not alone!

Yes, my private thoughtful beach sojourn had been violated by the presence of another person’s feet. I could see the evidence of their self-righteous, pompous, egocentric footprints in the sand! How dare they, I thought, this was my beach! After a few minutes my annoyance began to decline (mainly because I was freezing) and my mind started to ponder the identity of this mysterious and cheeky individual.

On looking at their footprints, I could determine that it was a slender foot, most likely that of an adult, but I couldn’t tell their age, sex, nor whether they might be an interesting person to engage with in a constructive dialogue. But, I needed to know why they were on my beach, at my sacred time in the morning, so I decided to follow the footprints and track them down. I was in luck as the waves had not erased the foot trail of evidence. I was on a mission now and my walking speed increased, particularly as I could just make out a figure in the distance wearing a red bathing costume and a bright matching red beanie. I started to run as I was now nearing the owner of those feet. However, as I was drawing significantly nearer, I immediately stopped as I thought I may have the appearance of a depraved minimalist fashion beach stalker and could be a tad frightening for those you didn’t know me. I was so close, yet so far from the origin of those footprints!

But then, the owner of the feet turned around, paused, sighted my beach attire and walked straight to me! I froze and the next thing I heard was “Good morning, great morning for a walk. Do you come here often? My name is Susan by the way.” For the next 30 minutes we got to know each other as we shared our common like for the beach and other topics of mutual interest (including breakfast).

I was so pleased that I had explored those footprints and not just blankly looked at them as I focused on my private walk of thought that morning. Unfortunately, we are often too absorbed in our own personal affairs to take the time to explore new events and unknown people around us. Sometimes, it takes effort, persistence and a lot of work to seek out these new experiences, but it will most definitively benefit you, and the other owners of the footprints you encounter.

Go on, give the exploration of “new feet” a go!

The Choice is in Your Hand – Left or Right?

Thinking Mode 1

For many years now, men of all ages, have been daunted with one of the most important life choices that needs to be made on a daily basis first thing each morning. This decision is not one that should ever be rushed, nor should it be trivialized, as the resultant selection will linger for the remainder of the day until eventually corrected that evening with a potential, and welcome, sigh of relief.

For most men, symmetry is the most common selection criterion, but some do like to go with a surprise methodology that may invoke that well known law of uncertainty and mystique. Others may match colour, size and complexity to complement their prevailing mood. Some may utilize a delayed surprise and shock strategy that requires a pointed unveiling, at the appropriate time, to reinforce and embellish an important event. For me, I go with an approach that is built entirely around complete randomness, however, having them is a non-negotiable life necessity.

Women and children have also been known to partake in their use as they reinforce diversity and are not bound, nor limited, by any classification of stereotype, nor allocated gender.

The items are ageless and can be passed down between generations to signify belonging, prestige, heredity or just plain and simple usefulness. Some are priceless, others may be worthless, but their value is indeed calculated in the eye of the beholder.

They are typically seen in the corporate office, but no restriction applies to their use as they are not bound by any regulations, statutes, or HR policies, and are free to participate in any public, or private, work, or social environment.

Some say they were first observed in the 16th century. I say their use is timeless, and they shall prevail for many centuries to come bringing a sense of satisfaction and continued personal self-esteem for all generations!

They are a sign of personal innovation, creativity and confirm your undeniable link to shirt fashion.

Yes, they are cuff-links. May you wear them with pride, savor the experience, and enjoy the looks of nodding approval from your colleagues, friends, and even those you don’t know yet (but they will undoubtedly know you)!

Membership in the League of Hairy Chested Men

Hairy chest

There are many “taboo” topics that are typically not talked about in a public forum, and particularly not in the corporate office. Similarly, these items of private interest are also not privy to the benefit of being found in numerous blog post searches, nor other forms of the social networking media.

No, I’m not talking “women’s issues”, I’m talking one that has been baffling men for thousands of years and I think it is time for it to make an appearance without any fear of reprisal or public humiliation!

I for one, have embraced my DNA heredity right of manhood and display my male characteristics to the fullness. How do I feel you may ask? Brilliant, and I encourage all men to follow my lead and embrace their god given right to show it!

Yes, I’m a full member of the “League of Hairy Chested Men”. That’s right, I have copious amounts of chest hair and I’m not ashamed to show it, in fact, I flaunt it whenever possible!

Now all you clothing fashion designers reading this blog post, take note as there are some important and key learnings here for you. Now that I have your attention, please consider the following points when next you develop a shirt for men:

Buttons: There are too many. You can increase your profits by eliminating the top three buttons, as they are superfluous for the hairy chested man. We like to flaunt our masculinity and these additional buttons just get in the way of our exhibitionist tendencies.

Fabric Thickness: Don’t skimp here! Men’s chest hairs are sneaky little creatures and they just love peering through the cloth. The result is an itchy chest and a look that can be a tad prickly to the observer.

Colour: Not white, as we don’t want our hidden hairs taking over the surreptitious show from those that have been formally allowed to preen in a public and approved manner.

So, to all you women read this post, the future of men’s chest hairs are indeed in your hands. You have the power to encourage your menfolk to show their hairiness and to join me in the global quest for chest hair freedom!

To all you hairy men…..be seen, be hairy! It’s a great feeling of empowerment!

Image: Shutterstock

Corporate Dress Design with “Wind Gust Resistance”!

Wind Gust

“There must be a solution!”, I thought to myself as I was walking in the Sydney CBD this afternoon and saw yet another corporately dressed woman holding her skirt as she fought off those all too frequent wind gusts!

For too long, women have had to endure the public embarrassment associated with unwanted underwear exposure!

So as I walked, I pondered some potential ideas to alleviate the occurrence. Now, there does need to be a self-imposed caveat here, mainly because I haven’t experienced that dreaded moment of dress wind gust movement, so I can only speculate as to the impact.

If you are a fashion designer reading this blog post, please don’t laugh too loudly! However, it may just spark an idea in your minds that might actually make some sort dress design sense? But, then again?

Design Option 1: Underwear Hip Magnets
Now this is a design that would need to be tested first to ensure that womanly comfort is not compromised! The big feature of this concept is its simplicity.
In the skirt there would be a hidden interior pocket strategically placed next to the left and right hips. Should the weather look likely that a wind gust may eventuate; the dress wearer would quickly place a metal disc in the dress pockets. At the same time, a smooth edged, very flat magnet, would be placed into the elastic underwear waist band thereby locking the skirt into position.

Design Option 2: Waistband
Sewn into each dress waistband there could be 5 equally spaced $2 coins which are held in place by a discreetly hidden placed zipper. When the wind gust eventuates, the zip is opened and the coins fall into an inner sleeve positioned in the hem of the skirt thus eliminating skirt flap.
Alternative benefit: should the dress wearer need some money for any unplanned items (such car parking or restaurant tips), there would be an ample supply that could be quickly utilized when required?

iPhone App:
Although not a dress design option, an iPhone App could also be developed that monitors wind gust velocity in the city thereby providing an early warning for the use of the above Design Options?

Now for all you kilt wearers, sorry, I have no idea!

Hopefully, unpredictable dress wind gusts will soon be a thing of the past and all corporate dressed women will be able to walk with confidence in the city!