Teleconferencing with a New Translation










Announcing the innovative “Babel” system for teleconferencing.
Finally, a modern communication format that meets the translation needs of all users, regardless of their spoken language, nationality, age, sex, business or social wants, Babel accommodates them all with ease.

Your traditional teleconferencing formats, such as Zoom, Webex, Teams, Facetime, and any others that you are probably using right now are so passé, and will definitely be quickly transferred into your computer recycle bin following the simple and hassle free installation of Babel.

So what exactly is Babel, and how does it work?

The Babel system was designed by the Dolphin IT organisation and uses a wickedly clever tonal analysis program that interprets any form of speech and translates what is really being said into an audible format that is fully comprehendible by the willing listener. To demonstrate the power of the Babel, consider the following examples:

The Millennial
Many words and phrases are used by the Millennial that the ears of Baby Boomers and Generation X individuals just can’t seem to understand. But relax, as the Babel translates these phrases into a string of words that seem surprising logical and somewhat reasonable. The other benefit of the Babel is that it accurately translates in both directions, so all generations of ears will no longer have the excuse of saying “I don’t know what you are talking about”.

Accountants
Yes, even the language used by these baffling individuals can be readily understood and speedily translated into a format that quickly dissolves the complex array of acronyms and financial jargon that many an accountant historically used as a means of differentiation.

Other Professions
But wait, the Babel can translate the language used by all professionals and tradesman. So next time you are verbally engaging with a Lawyer, Real Estate Agent, Plumber, Salesperson, or even a Marketer, you will indeed understand what they are actually saying.

Presidential Campaigns
Yes, Babel does have the capability to translate what all Politicians are expounding, but owing to substantial financial contributions made by the political parties to the Dolphin IT organisation (which will remain anonymous), we have elected to deactivate this Babel translation function.  

Animals
The Babel translation process is currently working on a system which will eventually accommodate the audible dialog between pets and their owners. However, following initial trials with dogs, it became quickly apparent that dogs liked not being readily understood as it provided them with a license to dig holes, make a mess, be fed, walked on barked command, and to get their owner’s to pick up their droppings.


Yes, Babel is available now, but it does come with a written and verbal warning that states: Sometimes, ignorance is bliss, and occasionally it is best not to know what the other person is saying, particularly when it relates to you.

Cohabitation Code of Conduct – Your Human Performance Review

ted-2-buzz

As with all Cohabitation Codes of Conduct that involve teddy bear-human relationships, a performance review discussion is indeed worth the time allocated, and this one is long overdue let me assure you! As they say, no time is better than the present, so as your teddy-bear, may I ask you to sit down, carefully move those unwieldly and messy food stained cushions away, and let’s get on with your appraisal.

In order to avoid any personal teddy-bear bias, I have surreptitiously done a 360 feedback on you and have diligently summarised the anonymous responses from all the other stuffed animals that have had to cohabitate with you whilst you have been “working” from home. Your score is rated out of three (3), as teddy bears for some strange reason only have three fingers on each paw. You will also be pleased to know that the lowest possible rating is zero (0), which should put your human mind at ease.  So how did you go?

Cleanliness
As with most typical performance appraisals, the modus operandi is to provide positive encouragement for those activities that need improvement, so as to not demoralise the recipient. After some careful consideration, which resulted in many commonly used human expletives quickly permeating my innocent teddy-bear mind, I have decided to immediately reject this approach and have elected to go straight to the jugular. Your rating is zero (0), you are the messiest individual this household has ever known. You think you are disguising this poor personal trait by choosing an orderly, fictitious video conference background, but we teddy bears know the truth. Be warned, we have taken incriminating photos showing you in your real-time slothful state, and will publish them on social media should there be no immediate noticeable improvement!

Clothing
When you first started working from home, you dressed in a smart, casual manner. Clothes were ironed, clean and colour coordinated. So much so that we, your adoring teddy-bears, looked forward to seeing you each morning with eager anticipation as we excitedly wondered what fashion clothing foray would be presented to us, and to your virtual work colleagues. However, as the weeks and months have progressed, all we now see is the repetition of trackie pants and a creased t-shirt, no shoes or socks, and embarrassingly sometimes, even less. As such, your performance rating is one (1), thankfully, you were wearing clothes.

Teddy-bear Interaction
You used to speak to us all the time. We would have a prime sitting position, strategically placed on the edge of your work desk, just out of sight from your video camera, but we felt part of your team, we had your respect. But now, we are habitually flung face down into the intolerable depths of your couch, or even worse, your cupboard. We no longer feel the love. It is for this reason that we have all agreed that your rating is a solid zero (0).

In summary, your standards have dropped. You have not abided by the Cohabitation Code of Conduct, and it is for this reason that your teddy-bear cohorts respectfully request that your return to your corporate office and cease working from home. Enough is enough!

Life as we know it

Musk5-e1489187460760

“Life as we know it” has certainly changed with COVID-19, but will it change for ever?

What if no vaccine is found and humankind gradually morphs into a COVID-19 tolerant version of ourselves as postulated in Darwin’s Theory of Evolution? What would we, and the corporate workplace look like in the future?

Governments all around the world have decreed that face-masks need to be worn at all times when in public, and even in the office. Studies have indicated that when one of mankind’s senses is destroyed, or not used, another sense is increased to maintain the sensory balance.

The wearing of a facemask impinges our ability to smell, to get sun on our faces. Will this lead to our nostrils becoming larger in order to absorb more odours, our skin becoming more bleached with less exposure to the sun’s rays, and the days of men needing to shave ceasing owing to minimal facial hair follicle stimulation? Will our noses and ears become more pointed to assist with holding a face-mask firmly in place?

Many of us are now working from home. Will we need an office in the future? Will cities be replaced with a sprawl of suburbia where we all comingle electronically rather than in person? Will a computer keyboard be required for the typing of communications? If not, will our fingers become less nimble and take on a short, stumpy appearance?

Relax, and take no heed, nor concern to the above, as innovation will indeed find the requisite solution. According to Newton’s third law, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Mankind is creative, and whilst a facemask is dulling some of our facial senses, be assured that the corresponding thought senses associated with innovation have been given a boost of creativity and are working to the maximum.

A welcome solution to COVID-19 will indeed be found and “Life as we know it” will continue, albeit with a temporary hiccup in time. Our faces will be the same, men will continue to shave, and the corporate office will still exist, but maybe with some efficiency tweaks of improvement from a positive outcome from working from home.

So what do we need to do in this time of COVID-19 crisis…..Innovate!

Trackie Pants in the Office?

The-Gentlemen-Coach-Track-Suit

An item of clothing that was once regarded in the casual, semi-slothful classification has slowly permeated its way into the corporate approved list, all as a result of COVID-19.

It never makes any visual appearance in a video conference call, but is happily and comfortably worn by many an employee who has been reluctantly forced to work from home, all under the requirement of strict self-isolation.

It is commonly known by all employee classes in the corporate office as the trackie pant and comes in a variety of fashionable colours, fittings and price tags.

In days gone past, the trackie pant served as a stress relaxation catalyst that quickly assisted the employee’s mindset change from work, to home mode. The process was simple, corporate clothes off, trackie pants on, where a feeling of individual freedom and minimal restriction was instantaneously achieved. All this was done in their private abode, where no discerning eyes of any critical observation were ever to be found.

Historically, the trackie pant was never worn to the office, even on a Casual Friday, as dictated by the well-established rules of corporate dress code.  But like all traditions, when subjected to a massive paradigm shift outside the individual’s control, even the most ardent corporate customs slowly yield to change, all due to the prevailing clothing environment.

But once the world has overcome the dreaded impact of COVID-19, whenever that day may be, and all corporate employees are allowed to yet again return to their beloved offices, will the trackie pant come with them? Will it be allowed to embellish their bodies as they sit at their desks, or be publicly portrayed as they casually walk the corridors? Time will tell, and I am not one to judge, nor should I comment in the positive, nor the negative.

New dress rules will surely apply, as some employees will undoubtedly test the boundaries of track suit pant decency.

However, I can see a positive influence on corporate innovation. For those of you who have read the Cardigan Effect, there is an obvious correlation with the trackie pant, so with some trepidation, I am indeed a supporter! Anything that influences creativity should definitely be given a go, regardless of any visual consequences.

But, will this slowly mean the demise of the suit? I hope not, but you never know…..