Teleconferencing with a New Translation










Announcing the innovative “Babel” system for teleconferencing.
Finally, a modern communication format that meets the translation needs of all users, regardless of their spoken language, nationality, age, sex, business or social wants, Babel accommodates them all with ease.

Your traditional teleconferencing formats, such as Zoom, Webex, Teams, Facetime, and any others that you are probably using right now are so passé, and will definitely be quickly transferred into your computer recycle bin following the simple and hassle free installation of Babel.

So what exactly is Babel, and how does it work?

The Babel system was designed by the Dolphin IT organisation and uses a wickedly clever tonal analysis program that interprets any form of speech and translates what is really being said into an audible format that is fully comprehendible by the willing listener. To demonstrate the power of the Babel, consider the following examples:

The Millennial
Many words and phrases are used by the Millennial that the ears of Baby Boomers and Generation X individuals just can’t seem to understand. But relax, as the Babel translates these phrases into a string of words that seem surprising logical and somewhat reasonable. The other benefit of the Babel is that it accurately translates in both directions, so all generations of ears will no longer have the excuse of saying “I don’t know what you are talking about”.

Accountants
Yes, even the language used by these baffling individuals can be readily understood and speedily translated into a format that quickly dissolves the complex array of acronyms and financial jargon that many an accountant historically used as a means of differentiation.

Other Professions
But wait, the Babel can translate the language used by all professionals and tradesman. So next time you are verbally engaging with a Lawyer, Real Estate Agent, Plumber, Salesperson, or even a Marketer, you will indeed understand what they are actually saying.

Presidential Campaigns
Yes, Babel does have the capability to translate what all Politicians are expounding, but owing to substantial financial contributions made by the political parties to the Dolphin IT organisation (which will remain anonymous), we have elected to deactivate this Babel translation function.  

Animals
The Babel translation process is currently working on a system which will eventually accommodate the audible dialog between pets and their owners. However, following initial trials with dogs, it became quickly apparent that dogs liked not being readily understood as it provided them with a license to dig holes, make a mess, be fed, walked on barked command, and to get their owner’s to pick up their droppings.


Yes, Babel is available now, but it does come with a written and verbal warning that states: Sometimes, ignorance is bliss, and occasionally it is best not to know what the other person is saying, particularly when it relates to you.

Personality Woofs

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Lots and lots of dogs. If you have ever frequented Central Park in New York, this will be the first thing that you will see. Regardless of the weather, there are dogs literally everywhere! And yes, what they say is indeed true, the dogs do undeniably mimic the appearance of their owner.

Now this provides a somewhat interesting clue for any HR Managers reading this blog post. Forget your expensive Myers Briggs Personality Profiles as there is now a much more cost effective and completely reliable process for classifying the temperament traits of your employees. The process? Just take your employees to a large enclosed park, add a vast array of dog breeds, then simply let the dogs go to work. All you now need to do is, watch and learn.

The Lazy Employee
Now you may think that this employee would be the most difficult one to match with a dog? But no, they are the easiest, as when they arrive in the park, they quickly plonk themselves down on the grass and swiftly fall asleep. The Newfoundland dog loves a plump human pillow and will slowly make their way over to the employee and snuggle up to the motionless slumbering body with complete lethargic satisfaction. (This is personality Match 1).

The Innovative Employee
This employee loves a challenge and will quickly traverse the park looking wisely at all the dog breeds. They will engage in a range of ball throwing and strategically selected tricks hoping to outwit the dog with their own creativity. However, after a lengthy examination period, they will ultimately bond with the Australian Shepherd, a dog of many colours and personalities. (Match 2).

The Intelligent Employee
This will be the employee that has a studious and permanently furrowed brow on their pained face as they wander up and down the concrete walkways as they take copious observation notes. After a few exhausting ambling hours, they will eventually sit on a quiet bench with their frustrated heads in their hands owing to the large number of dog choices that has completely bamboozled their intellect. Little did they know that they have now surreptitiously entered the perfect dog domain of the Border Collie who will sniff out this sense of human puzzlement and will offer an enduring personality alliance. (Match 3)

The Happy Employee
This is easy, they will quickly be engulfed with an abundant number of frolicking friendly Labradors of all colours, sizes and ages. (Match 4).

The Psychopath Employee
Their only link to the dogs will be the numerous poo bags that they carry as no dog will want to go near them. These dogs know that, once bitten, twice shy. (Match 5).

Now not all employees will be a perfect match to the 5 dog profiles listed above. But relax as that’s not a problem owing to the large number of cross-breeds that impeccably cater for every human individual.

So next time you walk in New York’s Central Park, stop and carefully look at the dogs and their owners, and all will be woofingly revealed.