Heed the Turtleneck

If you want to experience that cuddly innovative feeling in your corporate office, then simply pop your head through the neck of a fashionable turtleneck jumper and your desires of creative longing will immediately be fulfilled.

Now, for those of you that are currently a wearer of the world-famous turtleneck design, you will know exactly what I mean as you will have already grasped this cosy concept by the scruff of the knitted circular neck.

So why the turtleneck? Well, according to a soon to be published article in some obscure global publication, it’s apparently due to the ingenious design. The unique construction continuously directs and squeezes imaginative thoughts and emotions in a highly coordinated manner from the arms, chest, and other lower body regions towards the neck, and then ultimately up into the wearer’s mind. It is analogous to an “innovative thought-pump” where a rhythmic array of creative beats effortlessly proceed unhindered whilst the body-hugging jumper continues to be worn.

But alas, not all turtlenecks are the same as the colour selection acts as a creative thought catalyst for the wearer. The key is to know what colour works best for you, as the wrong choice could lead to the opposite effect where the wearer becomes passive, boring, or even ridiculed. The colour black seems to be most popular, particularly with those messy creatives as it hides and disguises an endless number of sins that are deemed by many an uneducated observer as being messy.

Another item for consideration is the number of neck rolls on your turtleneck collar. May I remind you that the jumper’s design is to forcefully pump creativity to your head, too many neck rolls may lead to a massive idea overload where the wearer may become lightheaded and eventually faint. As such, if you are a novice to this fashion accessory, the medical recommendation is to initially try a single neck roll, with time, additional rolls may be added, once proven.

Now should you be one of these turtleneck wearers with an abundance of chest hairs, be you a man, a woman, or other, there is another warning that you should heed. This is when a recalcitrant and stoic hair decides to permeate through the woven woollen fabric and nonchalantly peak through for some additional visual gratification. You and your hairs may not mind this display, but it can potentially be a little off putting for those who lack your hairy chest blessing and are quietly jealous.

So may I suggest that you unbutton your business shirts, place them back on the hanger in your wardrobe, and confidently replace them with a turtleneck jumper. Your ability to innovate will quickly prevail, and your appearance will warrant many a look of approval from your work colleagues and friends.  

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