It’s 3 PM in the corporate office and you are exhibiting all the classic signs of needing a work pick me up. Your eyes are getting tired and extremely bloodshot from looking at that computer screen all day, your bottom is starting to experience the occasional numb spot from sitting on your chair too long, and you are getting that grumpy and frustrated watch observation technique where the passage of time tirelessly slows as it nears 5 PM.
STOP! Don’t walk to the café to get that habitual afternoon long black coffee or soymilk latte, you need the HR approved “Motivator of Woft” (MoW). Yes, after an extensive university-testing regime on many willing (and some unwilling) employees, we are excited to announce the long anticipated market release of the MoW.
This classical motivation enhancement apparatus is fully equipped with the latest features that ensures the wearer total comfort whilst they are happily and constructively stimulated in the corporate office. No longer will your staff want to leave at 5 PM, they will be pleading with you to stay as long as possible, and may even want to make their permanent residence their work desk.
So what exactly is the MoW and how does it work?
The answer is quite simple and has its origins in the sensual excitement methodology that has tantalised many humans throughout the history of man and womankind. The key to the success of the MoW is the human nose. This remarkable facial protrusion is quite a complex and highly intricate odour (or woft) recognition apparatus.
I’m sure that many readers of this blog post will immediately relate to the pleasurable woft of a freshly brewed coffee, sizzling pan-fried bacon, or hot baked bread that has just been taken out of the oven. On smelling these odours, your mind typically awakens with immense delight and pleasure.
This is the key aspect of the MoW and is the strategic driver that ensures its remarkable success. Through the use of a fashionable and tailored facial mask, we have been able to provide the wearer with an endless supply of wofts that can be easily customised for the user. The process is simple. Just place the mask over your face when you require some corporate motivation and then select the woft odour to suit your specific need. Each facial mask comes with a selection dial of ten unique and nostril inspiring fragrances that will entice the wearer. No longer will you need to leave your work desk for that a traditional 3 PM stimulation, the MoW will provide you with all the inspiration you will ever need! And should you get bored with the standard 10 wofts, a bonus 20 woft pack is available for a small additional expense.
Yes, you know you want your own MoW. So what are you waiting for?
For all those blog post readers that respond* to the author in the next 30 minutes, we will provide you with an impressive monogramed MoW that will be the envy of all your colleagues.
Happy corporate office wofting!
*VISA, MC, AMEX and of course lots of cash are happily accepted!
Thoughts that might just be useful in the future 
pixieannie
/ November 21, 2015This is hilarious. I’ve just eaten my bacon but never turn down the offer of sensual and evocative aromas. Great post.
Steven Cramer
/ November 21, 2015Arrh, the magical woft of bacon!
pixieannie
/ November 21, 2015Yes indeed, I think I managed to fill the first two floors of the house. I have post bacon sedation now.