There’s a Bear in The Office

Office Workers, have you noticed that someone is missing from your home, and has been for quite a few months? 

Yes, whilst you have been subjected to ongoing lockdowns and government edicts where you are commanded to work from home owing to COVID, we, your furry stuffed friends have been having a hoot of a time! And, I suspect that with all the mess you have effortlessly created in your home work environment, you would be none the wiser and have just assumed that somewhere, lying patiently for you under yet another pile of clothes is your well-loved Teddy Bear. Well, you are most definitely wrong!

Truth be told, we went to where you were not, that being your office. What a paradise! We also can’t understand why any human would frequently use that common phrase so often heard when they arrived back home after work, “I’m glad that day is over”! What bollocks! You humans don’t know just how lucky you are, and, unfortunately for you, so now do we. 

Your office is really a large Fun House, one that fully captures the innovative imagination of many a Teddy Bear who is looking for adventure and a creative outlet following many years of sitting stationary in a lonely bedroom or shelf. 

However, we do have some gripes and would like to bring these to your urgent attention.  

Gripe 1: Elevators
The elevator buttons are just too high. As a Teddy Bear with a full six inches of height, I cannot reach any of the buttons, regardless of high I jump. I’ve also tried standing on the shoulders of my fellow Teddy Bears, but to no avail. The result is walking up many flights of stairs, and with time, and friction, our paws will become rather straggly and dirty, and no bears likes that, let me assure you.

Gripe 2: Desks
We Teddy Bears desperately need an access ladder that enables your furry friend to effortlessly scale up to the desk top where we can flick on the computer switch to access Spotify, YouTube and other bear recreational pursuits. And whilst we are talking computers, could you get the IT Department to unblock some sites, the lack of access is really quite unbearable.

Gripe 3: Bathroom
Talking of things being too high, you know what I mean, don’t you!

But there are indeed some positives, so don’t think that we Teddy Bears see the glass as half empty all the time (btw, my apologies to the CEO, his precious crystal glass strategically positioned on his desk was regrettably knocked over in a game of table soccer, however, it was a stunning goal!). 

Positive 1: Desk Chairs
Once you get the momentum up with a spinning desk chair, it’s just like a merry-go-round. However, we found that there is a terminal spin threshold, once above it, no Teddy Bear can hold on and bears can then indeed fly!

Positive 2: Corridors
These are typically carpeted, which are perfect for our paws. They are wide and long. The ideal setting for a game of cricket, carpet bowls, or other games for recreational bear pursuits.

Positive 3: No Humans
Need I say anymore!

So my dear human. There are some good things from COVID, the most important one being that you are at home, and we are in your vacant office. I know that you will return one day, but until then, Teddy Bear life is bliss!

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