A Predicament of Cuffs

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There is a growing trend that visually appears to be creeping out from within the apparel industry that is testing the wearer’s ability to cuff things comfortably. The garment of culprit is the business shirt where the sleeves are mysteriously getting longer.

Yes, in these days where everything is getting smaller, thinner and of a lower quality, it’s remarkable that the use of a costly fashionable cloth in this instance is increasing. Now this may initially sound like an unexpected opportunity for the astute consumer that appreciates value for money, but for those dapper dressers that like their shirt cuffs sitting precisely where they should be, and not half way down their fingers, this is a massive fashion catastrophe.

One could possibly assume that the length of the human arm has mysteriously increased by some unknown genetic mutation over the past year, but even with my minimal understanding of the machinations of the human body, I suspect that this is not the case.

Now should the origin be related to a rare herb or exotic vegetable, then I’m sure the makers of hair tonic, for those with a baldness malady, would have quickly applied the remarkable remedy to the hairless scalp population for immediate commercial gratification.

But alas, none of these wily scenarios seem to apply. Rather, I postulate that it is a deliberate ploy of that canny fashion industry to make the reluctant long-armed shirt wearer think differently as they creatively explore ways to shorten their lengthy predicament.

For those shirt wearers amongst you that are clueless on how to obtain a quick cuffed resolution, may I suggest that you consider the following innovative solutions:

  1. The Sleeve Garter
    This is a throw back to the 19th century when men’s shirts were only provided in one arm length, that being long. Now those fashionable men with a more civilised shorter arm length wore an elastic garter on their upper arm to impinge the unwanted shirt extension. To all antiquated manufacturers that used to fabricate these items, good fortune will soon be coming your way!
  2. The Cuff Roll Up
    This solution is indeed self-explanatory, so get ready for the sight of many a man now carefully rolling up their cuffs to attain the optimum equal arm position. For those in doubt as to the correct length, just keep a handy tape measure in your trouser pocket for surety of mind.
  3. Scissors
    This is a length rectification technique of last resort. Here the desperate shirt wearer applies the scissors with gusto to quickly discard any unwanted material thereby converting the item of clothing into a clever short sleeved shirt.

And if none of these solutions appease your shirt predicament, then only one answer remains. That being, give your unfashionable shirt as a loving gift to that long-armed friend that used to be known for their Neanderthal reach, but, is now the custodian of a wardrobe busting to contain the massive number of shirts reluctantly donated by the hapless chic populace that once enjoyed a comfortably fitting shirt.

Juris Doctor Actoris

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For those of you wanting to be a Barrister, relax as there is a new innovative course of study, Juris Doctor Actoris (JDA) now available at the soon to be famous University of Geelong that has been specifically designed to ensure your success.

Unlike most legal degrees that take years to attain, the JDA is a practical course that is based entirely on the behavioural observations of numerous Barristers professionally working in the courtroom, in their private chambers, and when frequenting with other like-minded legal individuals in the wine bar.

The following is a snapshot of the course syllabus:

Unit JDA001: Shakespeare
All good Barristers need to be proficient actors, as the courtroom is your stage. You need to work the jurors into believing your credibility, sincerity and that your guilty client is indeed most innocent. Like all good actors, you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story. You are there to perform, to be the chameleon that morphs into the requisite personality for the optimum financial gratification for both you, and those that you represent. Should you client be exonerated from the recalcitrant charges, well may you bask in the additional bonus of good fortune. Yes, to be, or not to be, that is the question!

Unit JDA002: Vocabulary
In this unit you will memorise every page of Roget’s Thesaurus and utilise each word in a myriad of unfathomable discussions in preparation for the opportunity of prolonged verbal discourse when your clients enter your private Chambers. Here the objective is to bamboozle those present with an endless array of complex nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs that are totally unrecognisable, but that maximises your time-charge potential for financial gain owing to your long winded legal instructions.

Unit JDA003: Wardrobe
Like all good actors you need to know how to dress to impress. In this instance, only the finest Italian or French wigs and gowns will suffice. But don’t limit yourself to these items, if you need a fashionable suit/dress, then make sure you don’t scrimp as your client will only expect the best. Remember, you also need to maximise your tax deductions, so the more expensive the better.

Unit JDA004: Wine
For those students new to the machinations of the court, this academic unit will teach you the finer points of wine drinking and will provide you with the added certification of being a qualified sommelier. Knowing how to disguise your insobriety when in front of the judge post a long lunch with your fellow Barristers is a skill that is a must for those wanting to succeed in this profession.

On the successful completion of these four fundamental units, you too will be able to walk into any courtroom with the knowledge that you will be able to hold your own against any professional barrister, particularly those that have not yet mastered the practical life skills that you now possess. And remember, the law, and not you, is an ass.

Ideation in Motion

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It’s now a common sight. Parked on many a city or suburban footpath, there is an endless line of motor scooter riders eagerly waiting to make a lunch delivery to a stream of hungry and expectant customers.

Once on the move, they can be seen on roads courageously swerving and dangerously ducking in between numerous obstreperous cars as they make their way to the consumer’s destination in record time, complete with the goal of optimum distribution efficiency.

The nutritious product inside the branded brown paper bag they carry could be any cuisine, the rider is ambivalent, as long as the precious food contents arrive intact and unspoilt, just as it departed the door of the restaurant.

These distinctive conveyors of food serve a similar mechanism to those that seek creativity to foster a culture of innovation in the corporate office. The only difference being the contents, and the mode of transport.

Like all devourers of nourishment, businesses need a constant supply of ideas, and a trusted and reliable approach for creating them.

In a restaurant, a qualified chef is used to create and assemble the requisite gourmet ingredients, whereas a business can use a range of culinary techniques such as crowdsourcing, or brainstorming, to generate their creative inputs. However, in order to avoid a potential unsavoury gastronomic ideation mess that will negatively pollute the employee’s palate for innovation, a skilful Director of Innovation is required to filter, align and masterfully coagulate the ideas into a useful form for the business to consume, and ultimately rely on for ongoing cultural sustenance.

Now, not all employees will have the same tastes in ideation, so creativity mastery is required to flavour and accommodate their individual eating requirements. During this process, communicating the contents of the ideation menu is particularly important to inspire their hunger for the new thoughts being generated.

Enter the “ideation scooter” whose primary objective is to deliver the creativity developed throughout the organisation in bite size morsels that each employee can happily chew, and then swallow, with an endless desire for more. It’s important to note, that many deliveries may be indeed be required in order to get the innovative messages across, and then continually replenished.

So next time your see a food delivery scooter, take a moment to think about the contents being transported, the establishment that created it, and the lucky individual who is eagerly wanting to devour it. The “it” is ideation in motion, and something your business should have an appetite for in wanting to eagerly consume.

 

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