All posts tagged clothing

Trackie Pants in the Office?

The-Gentlemen-Coach-Track-Suit

An item of clothing that was once regarded in the casual, semi-slothful classification has slowly permeated its way into the corporate approved list, all as a result of COVID-19.

It never makes any visual appearance in a video conference call, but is happily and comfortably worn by many an employee who has been reluctantly forced to work from home, all under the requirement of strict self-isolation.

It is commonly known by all employee classes in the corporate office as the trackie pant and comes in a variety of fashionable colours, fittings and price tags.

In days gone past, the trackie pant served as a stress relaxation catalyst that quickly assisted the employee’s mindset change from work, to home mode. The process was simple, corporate clothes off, trackie pants on, where a feeling of individual freedom and minimal restriction was instantaneously achieved. All this was done in their private abode, where no discerning eyes of any critical observation were ever to be found.

Historically, the trackie pant was never worn to the office, even on a Casual Friday, as dictated by the well-established rules of corporate dress code.  But like all traditions, when subjected to a massive paradigm shift outside the individual’s control, even the most ardent corporate customs slowly yield to change, all due to the prevailing clothing environment.

But once the world has overcome the dreaded impact of COVID-19, whenever that day may be, and all corporate employees are allowed to yet again return to their beloved offices, will the trackie pant come with them? Will it be allowed to embellish their bodies as they sit at their desks, or be publicly portrayed as they casually walk the corridors? Time will tell, and I am not one to judge, nor should I comment in the positive, nor the negative.

New dress rules will surely apply, as some employees will undoubtedly test the boundaries of track suit pant decency.

However, I can see a positive influence on corporate innovation. For those of you who have read the Cardigan Effect, there is an obvious correlation with the trackie pant, so with some trepidation, I am indeed a supporter! Anything that influences creativity should definitely be given a go, regardless of any visual consequences.

But, will this slowly mean the demise of the suit? I hope not, but you never know…..

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by Steven Cramer on August 13, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 13, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/08/13/trackie-pants-in-the-office/

Overcoming The Law of Pudgification

Punch cartoon: Circumference - fat man at a tailor's shop

The Law of Pudgification states, that for every food excess consumed by the eater, regardless of how many attempts are made to lose the weight from your corporately embellished stomach, the consumer’s physical body form will never completely return back to its previous slim state. The extent of this stomach deviation is called the “Residual Pudge”.

Now for those of you that have reluctantly bitten off more than you can chew over the holiday festivities, you may be experiencing the unwanted influence of this Law. If that is you, a word of advice for your planned first day of work return, that being, don’t try and wear your normal business attire because you are doomed to experience massive wardrobe failure. Yes, buttons will pop, zippers will bulge, and fabric seams will be tested to their extreme limit. The unavoidable result will be catastrophic clothing malfunction combined with severe personal embarrassment.

As you nervously approach this first day back in the office, you do have at least three options to carefully ponder:

Option 1: Fast continually for a week and hope that the “Residual Pudge” quickly alleviates. But let’s be realistic, this is never going to happen!

Option 2: Defer your scheduled first day back in the office by at least a month so your voluminous body has an opportunity to naturally deflate.

Option 3: Purchase an “Expando-Suit”.

Yes, for those of you that can’t accommodate Options 1 and 2, Option 3 is an efficient route to pudgification ownership correction.

What? You haven’t heard of the “Expando-Suit”? Well, it has successfully encapsulated the exterior of numerous well-fed corporate individuals for many a decade. No, it is not advertised, but is readily available via word of a full mouth from those that are in corresponding need of depudgification.

The “Expando-Suit” looks like any fashionable business suit so the innocent onlooker would never be the wiser. It can be purchased in a variety of the latest stylish trends, or for those more conservative, in solid grey, blue or black colours (perfect for any lawyers or politicians that may be reading who have partaken of one piece of plum pudding too many), and meticulously meets the clothing needs of both the corporate woman or man. But it has one unique point of difference, that being the fabric that happily stretches around any over pudgified body part with minimal visual cling. Yes, the wearer will look fashionably suave and sophisticated and not like a plastic cling-wrapped piece of produce.

However, a word of caution. The “Expando-Suit” will feel so comfortable to wear that you may forget the reason why you purchased one in the first place. Yes, you need to lose pudge. To assist in this endeavour, the cotton used in the fabric seams (patent pending) will disintegrate in exactly four weeks of continual office wear. So, in order to avoid breaking any HR laws of personal exposure in your office, you have been officially warned!

Yes, the “Expando-Suit” is indeed an option, but let’s be honest with ourselves, the preferred choice when eating is to be conscious of The Law of Pudgification and to minimise any potential side effects that may be looming from overindulgence.

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by Steven Cramer on January 2, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 2, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/01/02/overcoming-the-law-of-pudgification/

A Predicament of Cuffs

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There is a growing trend that visually appears to be creeping out from within the apparel industry that is testing the wearer’s ability to cuff things comfortably. The garment of culprit is the business shirt where the sleeves are mysteriously getting longer.

Yes, in these days where everything is getting smaller, thinner and of a lower quality, it’s remarkable that the use of a costly fashionable cloth in this instance is increasing. Now this may initially sound like an unexpected opportunity for the astute consumer that appreciates value for money, but for those dapper dressers that like their shirt cuffs sitting precisely where they should be, and not half way down their fingers, this is a massive fashion catastrophe.

One could possibly assume that the length of the human arm has mysteriously increased by some unknown genetic mutation over the past year, but even with my minimal understanding of the machinations of the human body, I suspect that this is not the case.

Now should the origin be related to a rare herb or exotic vegetable, then I’m sure the makers of hair tonic, for those with a baldness malady, would have quickly applied the remarkable remedy to the hairless scalp population for immediate commercial gratification.

But alas, none of these wily scenarios seem to apply. Rather, I postulate that it is a deliberate ploy of that canny fashion industry to make the reluctant long-armed shirt wearer think differently as they creatively explore ways to shorten their lengthy predicament.

For those shirt wearers amongst you that are clueless on how to obtain a quick cuffed resolution, may I suggest that you consider the following innovative solutions:

  1. The Sleeve Garter
    This is a throw back to the 19th century when men’s shirts were only provided in one arm length, that being long. Now those fashionable men with a more civilised shorter arm length wore an elastic garter on their upper arm to impinge the unwanted shirt extension. To all antiquated manufacturers that used to fabricate these items, good fortune will soon be coming your way!
  2. The Cuff Roll Up
    This solution is indeed self-explanatory, so get ready for the sight of many a man now carefully rolling up their cuffs to attain the optimum equal arm position. For those in doubt as to the correct length, just keep a handy tape measure in your trouser pocket for surety of mind.
  3. Scissors
    This is a length rectification technique of last resort. Here the desperate shirt wearer applies the scissors with gusto to quickly discard any unwanted material thereby converting the item of clothing into a clever short sleeved shirt.

And if none of these solutions appease your shirt predicament, then only one answer remains. That being, give your unfashionable shirt as a loving gift to that long-armed friend that used to be known for their Neanderthal reach, but, is now the custodian of a wardrobe busting to contain the massive number of shirts reluctantly donated by the hapless chic populace that once enjoyed a comfortably fitting shirt.

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by Steven Cramer on July 31, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on July 31, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/07/31/a-predicament-of-cuffs/

The Shop of Waistful Circumference

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You all know that feeling. It’s your first day back from your Xmas holidays where you have habitually eaten, drunk and partied far too much and are now experiencing that unwelcome feeling of regretful tubbiness. Yes, those business shirts, trousers, skirts and belt buckles have all mysteriously shrunk in size, the cause of which is all too obvious to you now, unfortunately.

If only you had visited the Shop of Waistful Circumference (WC) before you commenced your holidays and all this physical discomfort would have been happily alleviated. Yes, there is always next year!

For those clever corporates that did indeed partake of the Shop of WC, you will be beaming with girthful happiness as you are breathing with comfort in your business attire.

The Shops of WC are strategically located in all major cities where there is a large business community and can be quickly found following a simple internet search.

When entering the Shop, you will be greeted by an experienced employee that has immediately surmised your current clothing size, so relax, as you will not need to divulge this protected number to alleviate any potential embarrassment.

However, you will be asked some basic questions about your plans for the Xmas holidays. For example, are you fond of plum pudding, do you frequently drink cocktails whilst lazing on a couch, have you placed your gym membership on hold, together with and other key clues of food intake and physical activity?

After some careful thoughtful consideration, the knowledgeable Shop of WC employee will suggest a tailored approach to your personalised tubbiness management regime that will ensure a welcome and fitted business attired start to your new year.

The Shop of WC has a vast array of fashionable clothing that you can purchase and wear with personal esteem over the Xmas holidays because you know that you will be in optimum body shape come that January back to work commencement date.

Now do not be alarmed by what the Shop of WC employee offers you as each item of clothing will be at least one or two sizes too small. Yes, you will deliberately be made to feel a tad plump and uncomfortable. But relax, as this is the secret to your success. These overly snug, body hugging clothes will be a continual reminder for you not indulge too much, but rather to consume a smaller amount of food, drink or other worldly delights over this Xmas period.

Come January when you thankfully discard your Shop of WC clothes and re-adorn your favourite business wardrobe from yesteryear that now remarkedly fit with no noticeable girth discomfort, you will be glad of the physical awkwardness that you begrudgingly accepted over the holidays.

What are you waiting for? Yes, just place an entry in your diary now for December to visit the Shop of WC and breath a sigh of clothing relief next year!

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by Steven Cramer on January 14, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 14, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/01/14/the-shop-of-wc/

Enough is Indeed Enough

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Gentlemen, it’s time for a private revolution in the corporate office because you are losing the “you”, in you. Yes, many of you have voluntarily discarded your individuality in order to become part of the accepted “we”. But the unconscious sacrifice you have made has significantly impacted your personal creativity.

Remember the time in your working life when you wanted to be noticed, when you desired to be the centre of attention, when you had something important to say, and were unrepentant when you said it?

When did we all morph into a state of visual uniformity and become a subdued and quiet collective of “I”s?

Here are some clues to help you revitalise your memory, and to inspire you into again thinking that little bit differently.

The neck tie – Gone!
Recall those colourful items of clothing that used to adorn your neck, complete with the additional visual benefit of fashionably differentiating your frontal business appearance from your colleagues? Alas, one can regretfully say the same about the unfortunate demise of the visually appealing bow-tie, similarly, the majestic cravat.

Chest Hairs – slowly growing back!
Men used to be men, and hairy. We used to have copious volumes of hairs publicly sprouting with unashamed gusto from our chests, and our faces. To think that men now voluntarily shave their manes off to achieve a follicle look of commonality, good god! Thankfully, this does not apply to those men who have boldly bucked the trend, and have courageously, and most deliberately, shaved their heads as a mark of their commitment to the male cause for innovation.

Hats – a mark of respect!
In the not too distant past, men looked resplendent with a stylish hat firmly placed upon our heads where we could selectively doff our head covering in recognition, and respect of a fellow worker, confidant, or compatriot. Thankfully, with the advent of the bald head, this item of clothing is making a welcome resurgence.

Watches – steps of progress!
Strategically positioned on the left or right wrist used to be a masterly engineered time piece of precision. This has now been replaced by a devise that measures steps, typically known as a FITBIT. Men used to compare other items to assert their masculinity, now it’s the number of steps walked in a work day, or week. I ask you, where will it end?

So gentlemen, take heed of this warning, and visually state your support in hindering this unwelcome disintegration of your individual creativity when in the corporate office. Enough is indeed enough. It’s now time to make the change!

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by Steven Cramer on November 6, 2018  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on November 6, 2018

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2018/11/06/enough-is-indeed-enough/

The Moodification Shirt

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Forget packing your vast array of shirts next time you travel on business because the “moodification shirt” is finally here! Yes, after years of secretive wardrobe testing by a leading Melbourne apparel designer on many willing, and some less so, randomly body shaped men and women, the fashion solution now sits comfortably on your back.

As the name suggests, the “moodification shirt” quickly adapts in a most unassuming way to all your changing psychological and physical needs.

According to the marketing blurb, this remarkable shirt provides the following phenomenal wearer features and benefits.

  1. Over indulgence rectification
    You have just consumed a little bit too much dinner and your shirt is starting to have that feeling of unwelcome tightness. Relax, as the “moodification shirt” will surreptitiously respond by expanding the fabric to the next shirt size thereby relieving the increasing tension growing your stomach.
  2. Increased heart rate
    Following some unexpected exercise, or a welcome romantic distraction, your heartbeat suddenly increases to a point where a traditional shirt no longer meets your requirements. The “moodification shirt” senses your increased blood palpitations and nonchalantly loosens your top two buttons to allow additional airflow and chest cooling.
  3. Fashion
    Although the “moodification shirt” appears to be white, it can quickly change colour and pattern via the pressing on the two buttons hidden in the lower body of the fabric. Pressing the white button changes the colour, the black button alters the pattern. Through a careful combination of the white and black buttons, the wearer can achieve a full colour array, vertical or horizontal stripes and even checks. For those that want the paisley pattern, at a small additional expense, a third shirt button can be purchased, but only for those individuals that meet the creative persona mindset qualifications.
  4. Hygiene
    No time for a shower? That’s no problem with the “moodification shirt”. Each shirt has an inbuilt odour sensor that is sewn into the collar. When the wearer’s personal woft reaches a discernible value, a pleasant to the nose sanitiser dust is quietly released from the fabric and quickly permeates throughout the shirt.
  5. Stains
    For those unexpected interactions where a pen, lipstick or other stain may find its way onto your shirt, there is no need to panic! By holding both the black and white buttons (see item 3) for 5 seconds engages an emergency colour coverup mechanism within the shirts fabric where the whole shirt changes to the colour of the stain, so it is completely unrecognisable.

So where can you buy this remarkable shirt and how much does it cost? Just go to any reputable retail store and ask the manager to see their range of “moodification shirts”. They won’t be on general display for all the common riff-raff to see, but are normally hidden in the private area allocated to the innovative business purchaser with creative clothing tastes.

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by Steven Cramer on July 1, 2017  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on July 1, 2017

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2017/07/01/the-moodification-shirt/

The Link That Keeps You Together

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There is a small item of clothing that circumnavigates the midpoint of human creativity and has been used by mankind for generations.

It can be customised to meet the individual preferences of the wearer, and can effortlessly accommodate fluctuating changes in personal demeanour and appearance.

When absent, one’s self esteem can lead to unwelcome embarrassment where the observer may be shocked, or excited, by the unhindered display of private persona.

However, those in the fashion industry have been happily entwined by its functionality and fully utilise its support and timeless stability.

For those of you that excel in cryptic mental aptitude, you will have already determined that I am alluding to the creative virtues of the mechanical device colloquially known as the belt.

Without a belt, human creativity would have been severely limited as ones hands would have not been free to gesticulate innovative ideas, to constructively work requisite equipment, or walk in unperturbed inspirational thought, owing to the need to maintain a sense of dignity with one, or two hands continually stopping the dropping force of unplanned clothing gravity.

From a spiritual sense, the belt allows the clothing wearer to focus on thoughts deemed from above, rather that those below their waist, well, in the majority of cases anyway.

A single belt can transfer its supportive benefits between many users regardless of their sex, nationality, history or age, and is unperturbed by the status of the previous wearer.

So if you want to maintain a look of complete confidence in your creative work and social activities, make sure you wear a belt and the innovative support you seek will be continually maintained.

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by Steven Cramer on June 19, 2017  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on June 19, 2017

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2017/06/19/the-link-that-keeps-you-together/

Work Wear for the Active Martian

Jean Shrimpton - photo by Richard Avedon for HarperÕs Bazaar, April 1965

“It’s the year 2165 and we have been living on Mars for the past 30 Earth years and we still can’t differentiate the shape of a woman from a man when we are working outside on the planet surface! These old fashioned, unflattering, NASA styled baggy space suits all make us look like we are living in the 1960s! Enough is enough, it’s time to modernise our Martian appearance and to bring a long overdue standard of fashion to this red dusty plant.”

Yes, we hear you! So, you will all be pleased to know that the Galactic branch of “Space Road”, the leading fashion designer of casual clothing, has now expanded their work wear to accommodate the needs of the discerning Martian resident. No longer will women and men be visually indistinguishable. Yes, we understand the needs of the Martian worker and have developed a unique clothing range that will ensure the wearer is seen on this planet as a stylish leader in your chosen work team.

To cope with the extreme temperature fluctuations, and those pesky and highly unpredictable red dust storms, we have developed a remarkable lightweight fabric that provides optimum thermal protection, together with an inbuilt anti-static additive to repel dirt. This will ensure that the wearer always feels comfortable, refreshed and has that all over clean and stunning professional looking appearance.

The fabric comes in a range of colours and patterns, and there is even a transparent selection available, however owing to the high levels of solar radiation, we would recommend that only those with a large body hair covering choose this one to avoid potential discomfort.

I can hear you asking whether the fabric is clingy? Absolutely is the answer! The wearer will now be able to show the Martian civilisation the complete personality attributes of the individual without any physical limitations from gravity typically experienced when on Earth. There will now be no doubt as to the gender of the wearer, however, for those that are a tad more traditional and conservative by nature, blue and pink fabric selection options are indeed available. We at “Space Road” are also thinking ahead and should the human race mutate with the influence of some potential yet unknown alien relationships, we have reserved a number of unspecified gender colours, just in case they are required at some point in the future.

This modern leading edge Martian wear also fits comfortably into your space boots, gloves and helmet ensuring a snug and compete seal for added protection. Our new solar season range of clothing will soon contain a stylish helmet, which unfortunately wasn’t available for release in this clothing catalogue owing to some slight teething issues with oxygen leaks, a minor problem which we will quickly remedy I’m sure. Please ensure you send us your Martian email address so we can add you to our distribution list for when this helmet, and other cosmically exciting fashion items, become available.

We look forward to servicing all your Martian fashion requirements. For further information, please go to our website in about 6 months as we await the launch of our newly built Telstra 10G satellite which will soon be orbiting Mars. We at “Space Road” thank you you for your patience, but you know what it’s like getting a new satellite these days!

Image: Jean Shrimpton – photo by Richard Avedon for Harpers Bazaar, April 1965

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by Steven Cramer on October 19, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on October 19, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/10/19/work-wear-for-the-active-martian/

You have Changed!

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Yes, my friends were right, it was just like “Dorian Gray”, I had changed. To confirm their thoughts, I decided to review images of myself over the past few months, just to see if there were any visual signs.

I perused Facebook and a multitude of iPhone images and aligned them in chronological date order hoping to find a clue. I quizzed my friends as to what differences they were observing in me, in particular, when they thought the change may have occurred? I needed to discover my behavioural tipping point and it’s potential origin.

I spend the whole night pondering my notes, looking at photographs and at 11:34 PM that evening, I noticed it.

The initial change was subtle, but the time comparison between then and now was momentous. Yes, I had changed, and in a big way.

I was now a much more confident, outgoing individual, with a continual smile on my face. My business attire of the traditional and conservative dark blue suit with white shirt, and boring striped tie, had been replaced with a stylish array of coloured shirts with cuff-linked sleeves, bow-ties, pocket hankies, and an impressive daily shaved smooth slick head.

The point zero appeared to coincide when I began working for a new company, one that had an amazingly vibrant work ethic and culture. As a pondered and thought about this further, the term “cultural chemicalization” came to mind. For those of who reading this blog post let me explain the concept further.

If I were to look up the term “cultural chemicalization” in a dictionary, it would say: “the subconscious absorption (or chemicalization) of an organization’s culture by an employee where a change in behavioural state occurs”.

Yes, I had subconsciously, and quite happily I must admit, absorbed the positive culture of my new place of work, and the more I thought about it, so had all my fellow colleagues. The result was an amazing environment where creativity and innovation excelled to the fullest.

The process of “cultural chemicalization” begins with the CEO and the Executive Team. It is their behaviour that sets the benchmark for all employees and those they meet externally. As that saying goes, “what you see is what you get”. As an employee, if you observe a positive, enthusiastic management team, you and your organization will respond accordingly. If you see “nothing”, then that’s exactly what you will receive and experience.

Yes, my friends were right, I had changed, and I was loving it!

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by Steven Cramer on August 23, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 23, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/08/23/you-have-changed/

Try using these WORDS!

I stopped in my tracks and said, “You look absolutely gorgeous!”. I walked on another ten feet, stopped again, turned around and said, “You really do, I mean it!”

Twenty seconds earlier, three woman, who I’d never met before, walked out of the clothing store onto the footpath and stopped in front of me. One of them, dressed in a green tightly body hugging winter jacket, asked her close friends for their opinion; “Do you really like the coat?”. Before they could answer, I made my initial comment of genuine positive affirmation, which I repeated without hesitation a few seconds later. The smile on her face was ecstatic and her friends laughed with gleeful intent. If I had lingered a moment longer and not continued my ‘walk of thought’, I’m sure my new ‘best friends’ would have invited me to lunch!

There is a moral here for the corporate office. How often do we compliment our colleagues with constructive reinforcement of their behaviour, their manner, a risk they may have taken, or how they dress? I suspect not that often?

Why not?

Many offices these days have become rather sterile environments where only ‘approved’ comments of corporate acceptance prevail. To demonstrate the point, how many organisations have implemented the corporate branded ‘Thank You’ card which you are encouraged to complete, then hand to HR, who then distribute it to the nominated individual some days, or weeks, later after the words have been vetted for any corrupt intentions!

Let’s explore this further and consider a highly functioning sports team. What is the key to their success? Nothing too complicated, really, it’s just called ‘talking’.
But, those involved ‘talk’ with ‘words’ of encouragement where they compliment each other on what they did well, or provide words on impending danger from the opposition, or give words of constructive criticism. The words of feedback tend to be immediate, or whilst the game is fresh in the minds of those involved.

So why not give it a go in your corporate office? If you are a tad timid to praise a colleague publicly, then use an E-mail or an SMS, but make sure it has your name on it as this personalised message of word positivity is much more powerful than words of anonymity and will mean much more to the recipient. Make praise a habit, and I’m sure that you and those around you will benefit greatly from the word experience.

And if that gorgeous woman in the green coat is reading this blog post, yes, I’m still available for lunch, just send me the “words”!

Image: Sophiaclothing

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by Steven Cramer on August 10, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 10, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/08/10/try-using-these-words/

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