The Shop of Waistful Circumference

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You all know that feeling. It’s your first day back from your Xmas holidays where you have habitually eaten, drunk and partied far too much and are now experiencing that unwelcome feeling of regretful tubbiness. Yes, those business shirts, trousers, skirts and belt buckles have all mysteriously shrunk in size, the cause of which is all too obvious to you now, unfortunately.

If only you had visited the Shop of Waistful Circumference (WC) before you commenced your holidays and all this physical discomfort would have been happily alleviated. Yes, there is always next year!

For those clever corporates that did indeed partake of the Shop of WC, you will be beaming with girthful happiness as you are breathing with comfort in your business attire.

The Shops of WC are strategically located in all major cities where there is a large business community and can be quickly found following a simple internet search.

When entering the Shop, you will be greeted by an experienced employee that has immediately surmised your current clothing size, so relax, as you will not need to divulge this protected number to alleviate any potential embarrassment.

However, you will be asked some basic questions about your plans for the Xmas holidays. For example, are you fond of plum pudding, do you frequently drink cocktails whilst lazing on a couch, have you placed your gym membership on hold, together with and other key clues of food intake and physical activity?

After some careful thoughtful consideration, the knowledgeable Shop of WC employee will suggest a tailored approach to your personalised tubbiness management regime that will ensure a welcome and fitted business attired start to your new year.

The Shop of WC has a vast array of fashionable clothing that you can purchase and wear with personal esteem over the Xmas holidays because you know that you will be in optimum body shape come that January back to work commencement date.

Now do not be alarmed by what the Shop of WC employee offers you as each item of clothing will be at least one or two sizes too small. Yes, you will deliberately be made to feel a tad plump and uncomfortable. But relax, as this is the secret to your success. These overly snug, body hugging clothes will be a continual reminder for you not indulge too much, but rather to consume a smaller amount of food, drink or other worldly delights over this Xmas period.

Come January when you thankfully discard your Shop of WC clothes and re-adorn your favourite business wardrobe from yesteryear that now remarkedly fit with no noticeable girth discomfort, you will be glad of the physical awkwardness that you begrudgingly accepted over the holidays.

What are you waiting for? Yes, just place an entry in your diary now for December to visit the Shop of WC and breath a sigh of clothing relief next year!

Twas the Present of Change

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The date was the 24th December, the time 9:30 PM, and an ageless white facially follicled gentleman looked carefully at himself in the mirror.

For more years than he could remember, he had worn a red velvet suit, fluffed out his bushy beard and had gone about his famously punctual global delivery service that was the envy of Amazon.

He was known by the young and the old, no business card was required to make his introduction, he had an immediately recognisable face that made even the President of the United States jealous.

Although he had mastered keyless entry into any house, office, government, or building with high security, he was welcome by all, and was not considered a threat by the police, in fact, quite the opposite.

He had a smile and a laugh that could subdue the most rebellious child, or annoying employee. His flying reindeer fleet and professional elf workforce created a NPS that exceeded the expectations of even the most virtuous CEO.

But, it was time for a change. Yes, he had fallen into a seasonal rut and he needed to reinvigorate his creativity.

First to go was his long entrenched beard allowing the freezing North Pole winds to redden his virginal smooth face, an experience he had not encountered since his youth. Next was his suit, now fashionably replaced with a jacket, paisley shirt and jeans, complete with a tartan scarf and beret.

He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled until his elation was broken by the gentle tap on the shoulder by a senior elf reminding him that it was now time to start delivering that vast array of the world population’s presents.

But, it was time for yet one more long overdue strategic change in the festive status quo. He picked up the keys to the turbo powered sled, placed them in the hand of his 18 year old daughter and said, “You can drive, my turn to be the passenger”.

That night, a feminine sounding “Ho, Ho, Ho” was heard throughout the world accompanied by a smiling and fashionably dressed man now experiencing a newly gained sense of innovation.

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