The Presidential Nose





This nose just keeps getting longer!

It’s now so large, that I need to stand at least 6 feet away from those that I’m talking to, otherwise my nose pierces them straight in the eye. But that’s OK, as most of my friends are one-eyed anyway.

Why it keeps growing, I have no idea, but after every media conference, directive and tweet that I posted, an additional inch immediately appeared? Funny, those colleagues in my political party all seem to have a similar malady? It’s not an issue, as COVID is fake, so I don’t need to wear a mask, and with a nose like this, it would be impossible anyway.

But a massive nose does have some advantages, particularly when playing golf. It’s like a second club that allows me to surreptitiously spike my ball and discreetly move it to a more favourable position on the fairway, or even on to the middle of the green. No one would notice, nor have the courage to say anything anyway, now would they?

Although the nickname President Pinocchio does have a certain pointedness to it, but after my two unsuccessful impeachment trials, some anonymity does have some benefits. Thanks again to my political compatriots, great to know that our values are fully aligned, and yes, with time, you do get used to the nose growth, albeit a tad visually annoying at first.

Sleeping has always been an issue, particularly as I could never sleep straight in bed, regardless of how much I tried. But, with this whopper of a nose, sleeping is superb as I can’t roll off my back without shish kebabbing the mattress, or those in a dangerous close proximity, so it’s the perfect sleep aid for a man with my nasal stature.  

And of course, there is the complex issue of blowing my nose, but this I have resolved masterly with creative innovation. Most people when they sneeze, say “pardon me”. Not me, I just Pardon those that supported my dubious Presidential endeavours. The result seems to please them, and therefore me, and as the saying goes, its always good to have a handkerchief in your pocket if required for a future Presidential campaign?

Well, that’s enough from me, for the time being…..

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