Bobble Protection

At the first sighting of the bobble, you immediately know that the weather is getting colder and that it’s time to quickly equip your sensitive head with this trusted and simple form of thermal protection. Its application is simple, just pop it on with minimal fuss or effort.

The humble and stylish bobble cap has been a trusted companion for many an exposed cranium. It first came to prominence in France when their fashionable, and highly intrepid sailors utilised the bobble as impact protection against potentially annoying low ship ceiling impacts when the waves became a tad too rough and violent.  

As the years progressed, the bobble gradually traversed the milliner barriers of naval seamen to those fortunate land based civilians with equal head appreciation. However, its purpose was now that of a visual stimulant, just like what is achieved when a glacial red cherry is strategically popped on top of a scoop of ice-cream.

So we thought….

COVID-19 has changed everything. Buried deep in a nonchalant medical laboratory in Melbourne, Australia, sits an intelligent, sophisticated man who is a research graduate specialising in virus containment. He is an avid follower of Australian Rules Football, his team being the mighty Geelong, where the colours are blue and white. He attends each game, dressed impeccably in his team jumper, scarf, complete with matching beanie, a blue bobble centrally located on top. However, on this remarkable occasion, whilst observing his fellow colour matched compatriots, he has, for some unknown reason, experienced what many a master of innovation classifies as a “Eureka moment of creativity”! The source of this moment of excitement being, none other than, the Geelong bobble.

Hold this thought….

In Australia, and in all countries around the world, it is difficult to tell who has been vaccinated and who hasn’t. One solution is to legislate that every fully vaccinated person, regardless of their age, carry a card of certification with them at all times. But, this methodology is fraught with potential danger as the majority of people are either forgetful, stupid, or just too lazy.

But, individuals of all ages do love to wear hats. And why not, as they enable the wearer to express their unique personality, can also signify membership in an organisation, school or team. Hats come in many shapes and sizes, can have a bobble, stalk (as in a beret), ribbon or band, and can be purchased in a plethora of different colours.

The innovative solution….

It was this concept that excited and stimulated the immense intellect of our Geelong football club supporter as he sat on the edge of that famous oval situated within Kardinia Park. The phenomenal solution being colour. For those that have been fully vaccinated, the colour of blue would be used for the bobble (or hat equivalent). For those half vaccinated, a light blue colour, for those unvaccinated, any other colour could apply. The solution, being colourfully simple.

So next time you see a bobble, have some respect for this spherical fibrous cluster as it has protected mankind throughout the centuries, and it will continue to do so for many years to come.

Juris Doctor Actoris

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For those of you wanting to be a Barrister, relax as there is a new innovative course of study, Juris Doctor Actoris (JDA) now available at the soon to be famous University of Geelong that has been specifically designed to ensure your success.

Unlike most legal degrees that take years to attain, the JDA is a practical course that is based entirely on the behavioural observations of numerous Barristers professionally working in the courtroom, in their private chambers, and when frequenting with other like-minded legal individuals in the wine bar.

The following is a snapshot of the course syllabus:

Unit JDA001: Shakespeare
All good Barristers need to be proficient actors, as the courtroom is your stage. You need to work the jurors into believing your credibility, sincerity and that your guilty client is indeed most innocent. Like all good actors, you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story. You are there to perform, to be the chameleon that morphs into the requisite personality for the optimum financial gratification for both you, and those that you represent. Should your client be exonerated from the recalcitrant charges, well may you bask in the additional bonus of good fortune. Yes, to be, or not to be, that is the question!

Unit JDA002: Vocabulary
In this unit you will memorise every page of Roget’s Thesaurus and utilise each word in a myriad of unfathomable discussions in preparation for the opportunity of prolonged verbal discourse when your clients enter your private Chambers. Here the objective is to bamboozle those present with an endless array of complex nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs that are totally unrecognisable, but that maximises your time-charge potential for financial gain owing to your long winded legal instructions.

Unit JDA003: Wardrobe
Like all good actors you need to know how to dress to impress. In this instance, only the finest Italian or French wigs and gowns will suffice. But don’t limit yourself to these items, if you need a fashionable suit/dress, then make sure you don’t scrimp as your client will only expect the best. Remember, you also need to maximise your tax deductions, so the more expensive the better.

Unit JDA004: Wine
For those students new to the machinations of the court, this academic unit will teach you the finer points of wine drinking and will provide you with the added certification of being a qualified sommelier. Knowing how to disguise your insobriety when in front of the judge, post a long lunch with your fellow Barristers, is a skill that is a must for those wanting to succeed in this profession.

On the successful completion of these four fundamental units, you too will be able to walk into any courtroom with the knowledge that you will be able to hold your own against any professional barrister, particularly those that have not yet mastered the practical life skills that you now possess. And remember, the law, and not you, is an ass.