All posts tagged Fashion

Cohabitation Code of Conduct – Your Human Performance Review

ted-2-buzz

As with all Cohabitation Codes of Conduct that involve teddy bear-human relationships, a performance review discussion is indeed worth the time allocated, and this one is long overdue let me assure you! As they say, no time is better than the present, so as your teddy-bear, may I ask you to sit down, carefully move those unwieldly and messy food stained cushions away, and let’s get on with your appraisal.

In order to avoid any personal teddy-bear bias, I have surreptitiously done a 360 feedback on you and have diligently summarised the anonymous responses from all the other stuffed animals that have had to cohabitate with you whilst you have been “working” from home. Your score is rated out of three (3), as teddy bears for some strange reason only have three fingers on each paw. You will also be pleased to know that the lowest possible rating is zero (0), which should put your human mind at ease.  So how did you go?

Cleanliness
As with most typical performance appraisals, the modus operandi is to provide positive encouragement for those activities that need improvement, so as to not demoralise the recipient. After some careful consideration, which resulted in many commonly used human expletives quickly permeating my innocent teddy-bear mind, I have decided to immediately reject this approach and have elected to go straight to the jugular. Your rating is zero (0), you are the messiest individual this household has ever known. You think you are disguising this poor personal trait by choosing an orderly, fictitious video conference background, but we teddy bears know the truth. Be warned, we have taken incriminating photos showing you in your real-time slothful state, and will publish them on social media should there be no immediate noticeable improvement!

Clothing
When you first started working from home, you dressed in a smart, casual manner. Clothes were ironed, clean and colour coordinated. So much so that we, your adoring teddy-bears, looked forward to seeing you each morning with eager anticipation as we excitedly wondered what fashion clothing foray would be presented to us, and to your virtual work colleagues. However, as the weeks and months have progressed, all we now see is the repetition of trackie pants and a creased t-shirt, no shoes or socks, and embarrassingly sometimes, even less. As such, your performance rating is one (1), thankfully, you were wearing clothes.

Teddy-bear Interaction
You used to speak to us all the time. We would have a prime sitting position, strategically placed on the edge of your work desk, just out of sight from your video camera, but we felt part of your team, we had your respect. But now, we are habitually flung face down into the intolerable depths of your couch, or even worse, your cupboard. We no longer feel the love. It is for this reason that we have all agreed that your rating is a solid zero (0).

In summary, your standards have dropped. You have not abided by the Cohabitation Code of Conduct, and it is for this reason that your teddy-bear cohorts respectfully request that your return to your corporate office and cease working from home. Enough is enough!

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by Steven Cramer on August 17, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 17, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/08/17/cohabitation-code-of-conduct-your-human-performance-review/

Life as we know it

Musk5-e1489187460760

“Life as we know it” has certainly changed with COVID-19, but will it change for ever?

What if no vaccine is found and humankind gradually morphs into a COVID-19 tolerant version of ourselves as postulated in Darwin’s Theory of Evolution? What would we, and the corporate workplace look like in the future?

Governments all around the world have decreed that face-masks need to be worn at all times when in public, and even in the office. Studies have indicated that when one of mankind’s senses is destroyed, or not used, another sense is increased to maintain the sensory balance.

The wearing of a facemask impinges our ability to smell, to get sun on our faces. Will this lead to our nostrils becoming larger in order to absorb more odours, our skin becoming more bleached with less exposure to the sun’s rays, and the days of men needing to shave ceasing owing to minimal facial hair follicle stimulation? Will our noses and ears become more pointed to assist with holding a face-mask firmly in place?

Many of us are now working from home. Will we need an office in the future? Will cities be replaced with a sprawl of suburbia where we all comingle electronically rather than in person? Will a computer keyboard be required for the typing of communications? If not, will our fingers become less nimble and take on a short, stumpy appearance?

Relax, and take no heed, nor concern to the above, as innovation will indeed find the requisite solution. According to Newton’s third law, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Mankind is creative, and whilst a facemask is dulling some of our facial senses, be assured that the corresponding thought senses associated with innovation have been given a boost of creativity and are working to the maximum.

A welcome solution to COVID-19 will indeed be found and “Life as we know it” will continue, albeit with a temporary hiccup in time. Our faces will be the same, men will continue to shave, and the corporate office will still exist, but maybe with some efficiency tweaks of improvement from a positive outcome from working from home.

So what do we need to do in this time of COVID-19 crisis…..Innovate!

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by Steven Cramer on August 15, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 15, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/08/15/life-as-we-know-it/

Trackie Pants in the Office?

The-Gentlemen-Coach-Track-Suit

An item of clothing that was once regarded in the casual, semi-slothful classification has slowly permeated its way into the corporate approved list, all as a result of COVID-19.

It never makes any visual appearance in a video conference call, but is happily and comfortably worn by many an employee who has been reluctantly forced to work from home, all under the requirement of strict self-isolation.

It is commonly known by all employee classes in the corporate office as the trackie pant and comes in a variety of fashionable colours, fittings and price tags.

In days gone past, the trackie pant served as a stress relaxation catalyst that quickly assisted the employee’s mindset change from work, to home mode. The process was simple, corporate clothes off, trackie pants on, where a feeling of individual freedom and minimal restriction was instantaneously achieved. All this was done in their private abode, where no discerning eyes of any critical observation were ever to be found.

Historically, the trackie pant was never worn to the office, even on a Casual Friday, as dictated by the well-established rules of corporate dress code.  But like all traditions, when subjected to a massive paradigm shift outside the individual’s control, even the most ardent corporate customs slowly yield to change, all due to the prevailing clothing environment.

But once the world has overcome the dreaded impact of COVID-19, whenever that day may be, and all corporate employees are allowed to yet again return to their beloved offices, will the trackie pant come with them? Will it be allowed to embellish their bodies as they sit at their desks, or be publicly portrayed as they casually walk the corridors? Time will tell, and I am not one to judge, nor should I comment in the positive, nor the negative.

New dress rules will surely apply, as some employees will undoubtedly test the boundaries of track suit pant decency.

However, I can see a positive influence on corporate innovation. For those of you who have read the Cardigan Effect, there is an obvious correlation with the trackie pant, so with some trepidation, I am indeed a supporter! Anything that influences creativity should definitely be given a go, regardless of any visual consequences.

But, will this slowly mean the demise of the suit? I hope not, but you never know…..

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by Steven Cramer on August 13, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 13, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/08/13/trackie-pants-in-the-office/

Neck Attire, Post COVID-19

Errol Flyn

That gleeful time is fast approaching when we will all be allowed to return to the corporate office, albeit subject to the ongoing COVID-19 rules of social distancing. However, I for one, will be pleased to look my fellow co-workers directly in their computer weary eyes, rather than via an impersonal electronic screen. I am so over the repetitive hourly ritual of video conference calls!

Yes, for the past couple of months, we have all been judiciously working from home, but it’s now time to joyfully open up your clothes wardrobe and to rediscover your forgotten corporate business attire. Do you remember those crisply ironed business shirts, ties, suits, cuff-links and polished leather shoes?

But let’s reflect on your appearance, one that I suspect has slowly morphed from that of a snappy, fashionable, stylish dresser, to that of a casual, rather haphazard, creature of home comfort. It is also likely that the concept of enclosing your unhindered neck with a business tie is furthest from your current Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, in fact, you may have forgotten that well-practiced past art of manoeuvring the slender sewn fabric into a knot that miraculously resembled the legendary half, or full Windsor.

However, relax, as a fashionable alternative to the business tie is available to those that are authentic seekers of true neck freedom that accommodates the continued yearning for casualness following weeks of home incarceration.

The answer is the cravat.

This clever piece of clothing is ready and willing to fill the void on any business shirt wearer’s neck, be they male, or female. Besides looking decidedly eye-catching to any sophisticated observer, the cravat can be loosely tied, thereby giving the wearer that wanted feeling of lasting comfort.

The cravat has been in existence since the 16th century, and will undoubtedly continue for many more, which is not surprising considering its remarkable ability to complement the attire of any astute wearer.

So, as you prepare for your return to the corporate office, quickly go online, or into any clothing store of good repute, and purchase at least one cravat, and with time, you will quickly be a convert, and one that is deemed by your fellow workers to have impeccable fashion taste.

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by Steven Cramer on June 3, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on June 3, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/06/03/neck-attire-post-covid-19/

Overcoming The Law of Pudgification

Punch cartoon: Circumference - fat man at a tailor's shop

The Law of Pudgification states, that for every food excess consumed by the eater, regardless of how many attempts are made to lose the weight from your corporately embellished stomach, the consumer’s physical body form will never completely return back to its previous slim state. The extent of this stomach deviation is called the “Residual Pudge”.

Now for those of you that have reluctantly bitten off more than you can chew over the holiday festivities, you may be experiencing the unwanted influence of this Law. If that is you, a word of advice for your planned first day of work return, that being, don’t try and wear your normal business attire because you are doomed to experience massive wardrobe failure. Yes, buttons will pop, zippers will bulge, and fabric seams will be tested to their extreme limit. The unavoidable result will be catastrophic clothing malfunction combined with severe personal embarrassment.

As you nervously approach this first day back in the office, you do have at least three options to carefully ponder:

Option 1: Fast continually for a week and hope that the “Residual Pudge” quickly alleviates. But let’s be realistic, this is never going to happen!

Option 2: Defer your scheduled first day back in the office by at least a month so your voluminous body has an opportunity to naturally deflate.

Option 3: Purchase an “Expando-Suit”.

Yes, for those of you that can’t accommodate Options 1 and 2, Option 3 is an efficient route to pudgification ownership correction.

What? You haven’t heard of the “Expando-Suit”? Well, it has successfully encapsulated the exterior of numerous well-fed corporate individuals for many a decade. No, it is not advertised, but is readily available via word of a full mouth from those that are in corresponding need of depudgification.

The “Expando-Suit” looks like any fashionable business suit so the innocent onlooker would never be the wiser. It can be purchased in a variety of the latest stylish trends, or for those more conservative, in solid grey, blue or black colours (perfect for any lawyers or politicians that may be reading who have partaken of one piece of plum pudding too many), and meticulously meets the clothing needs of both the corporate woman or man. But it has one unique point of difference, that being the fabric that happily stretches around any over pudgified body part with minimal visual cling. Yes, the wearer will look fashionably suave and sophisticated and not like a plastic cling-wrapped piece of produce.

However, a word of caution. The “Expando-Suit” will feel so comfortable to wear that you may forget the reason why you purchased one in the first place. Yes, you need to lose pudge. To assist in this endeavour, the cotton used in the fabric seams (patent pending) will disintegrate in exactly four weeks of continual office wear. So, in order to avoid breaking any HR laws of personal exposure in your office, you have been officially warned!

Yes, the “Expando-Suit” is indeed an option, but let’s be honest with ourselves, the preferred choice when eating is to be conscious of The Law of Pudgification and to minimise any potential side effects that may be looming from overindulgence.

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by Steven Cramer on January 2, 2020  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 2, 2020

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2020/01/02/overcoming-the-law-of-pudgification/

Personnel Staffing Tailor

shutterstock_757774588

In the days of yesteryear, hiring a new employee was fraught with numerous uncertainties and typically required the service of a professional recruiter. The process was timing consuming, costly, and usually involved ploughing through an endless list of CVs, countless interviews, tedious salary negotiations, a job offer, a period of probation, and then finally, if you were lucky, you had a useful new member of staff. If not, you were then back to the start, absent your time, dollars and the few remaining hairs from your quickly balding head.

Enter the role of your Personnel Staffing Tailor (PST). Yes, as the name suggests, this is a new addition to the recruiting business, and one that guarantees 100% corporate satisfaction, complete with a lifetime warranty on your new hire. Your risk, zero.

Now that I have your interest, I’m sure that you will want to quickly utilise the service of your nearest PST. How? Simple. Just ask Siri.

By adhering to Siri’s detailed instructions, you should now be about to enter the business abode of your PST. Don’t be shy, just open the door and go in, even-though it looks like a high-end tailor’s shop. Once inside, you will be greeted by a person that has a welcoming appearance, and one that makes you feel completely relaxed and comfortable. Which, they should do on all occasions for every prospective buyer, as they have been matched to your individual personality requirements to ensure you complete corporate shopping ease. Yes, they are a fashionably dressed humanoid, fully equipped with a remarkedly superior artificial intelligence.

Once seated in a perfectly fitting leather viewing chair, together with any nourishment that you desire at that point in time, your charming PST will ask you to list the full personality traits, qualifications, experience, gender and physical appearance that you require with your new hire.

Equipped with the completed list, your PST will now mix and match your potential new employee via a meticulous arrangement of humanoid features and downloaded artificial intelligence Apps (just like the Apple App Store) to fulfil all your business requirements. Once done, your new employee will quietly sit down next to you awaiting your approval.

So, what are the additional benefits associated with using the services of a PST?

  • Should the employee’s role change in the future, just refresh their accumulated Apps, or download additional ones as required for a modest fee. Your PST will have a stock of all the latest fashionable ones!
  • Your new employee will never need sick leave, annual leave, lunch or coffee breaks.
  • Their hours of work are 24 hours, they don’t abide by the restrictive 9-5 regime.
  • They speak, read and write all languages, even the rarest of dialects.
  • They have a work ethic that perfectly matches your corporate culture.
  • Their clothing attire is never dull and always an inspiration to others in the corporate office.

But, one word of caution, just in case you didn’t read the fine print on the PST contract. You boss has the right to match you with the equivalent AI humanoid, so don’t be surprised if your tenure is limited. But, as they say, that’s progress!

 

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by Steven Cramer on November 2, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on November 2, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/11/02/personnel-staffing-tailor/

Too Hot in the Office?

Business Man in Office With Fan

Outside, the temperature is a whopping 48 degrees Celsius (118F). Thankfully, those working in the corporate office are happily benefiting from a massive air-conditioner that is steadily pumping out a chilled air woft that ensures optimum employee comfort.

But what if the prized air-conditioning unit should randomly fail without any thermal warning? For those of you that are the Office Safety Warden, on your list of significant staffing impact problems and threats, this one ranks well above fire, floods, or running out of coffee (well, maybe not the last one).

Thankfully, the Federal Directorate of Office Work has developed a Hot Employee Management Plan (HEMP) that provides a readily followed process that will quickly extinguish the unwelcome heat malady that could potentially engulf those hard working employees, and keep any “hot under the collar” tempers well subdued.

1. Remove Clothing
Step 1 is the most logical and most easily enforced, but this step will require the initial distribution of a CEO approved HR Policy, signed by all employees, so that each person knows just what level of clothing can be removed without causing any offence, or embarrassment .

2. Pedal Power
Most progressive offices have a desk equipped with a pedal powered fan that is situated under the employee’s desk that can be readily activated when required. For those employees that are a tad lazy, I’m sure you will be able to readily motivate a colleague to pedal your fan with the right financial incentive so all needs are met.

3. Mobile Phone
It is common for most employees to travel to work by car. This Step encourages employees to sit in their air-conditioned cars and then join any urgent business meetings via a conference call utilising their mobile phone. However, as Safety Warden, before you recommend this solution, please ensure that there is a strong exhaust fan in the underground carpark. If not, you may be facing another problem that could be much more serious.

4. Changing Clothes
Those colleagues in a tailored suit should be quickly encouraged to replace their long woollen trousers with shorts, or a kilt, thereby allowing that wanted air-flow relief.
For additional information:  Claim your Pantaloon Freedom

5. Holiday Room
For those employees lucky enough to work for a progressive organisation that has a “Holiday Room” located in their corporate office, all is good, as each worker can readily book some desirable cooling time at the “beach or the snow”.
For additional information: Holiday Room

But, should all the above Steps fail to provide the requisite temperature relief, then Step 6 should be immediately implemented to ensure the short-term protection of your workforce. That being, invoke a mass office evacuation which commands all employees to go home, thereby removing them from your legal responsibility!

You should then instantaneously adhere to the little known Step 7 (restricted to Office Safety Warden’s only), which requires you to go to the pub and have a nice cold beverage (or two), and with time, you will quickly forget all about the subject of air-conditioning! And remember, tomorrow is another day, and with it, there will hopefully be lots of rain.

 

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by Steven Cramer on November 1, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on November 1, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/11/01/too-hot-in-the-office/

What your Scarf says about You?

men-scarf

Following a lifetime of scarf watching and wearing, one can say after years of visual research that this simple piece of cloth is indeed not what it seems and is a tad more complex. One could assume that its sole purpose is to keep the wearer’s neck warm, but this is far from the truth.

The real origins of the scarf go back to the days of when men were men and were unashamedly hairy. In this era of male follicular freedom, men had copious amounts of body hair that exuded unhindered from the top of their heads, right down to the upper surface of their feet.

Men were known to be warm, confident and content with their unique individuality that permeated with an endless array of hair colours, lengths and thicknesses.

Men didn’t need a scarf to keep their necks heated owing to their natural inbuilt thermal layer of protection. But alas, that all changed with the onset of personal grooming that necessitated the desire for a clean shaven neck, face and a carefully clipped head. Hairy mankind was doomed from that day forth.

What happened next was the birth of the scarf to placate man’s now continually cold neck. Coloured neck hair was quickly replaced with a variety of colourful looms and fabrics. The neck wrapping craze spread to include women, children and the occasional pampered pooch.

Now what was the root of this hairy downfall you may ask? The answer is innovation, surreptitiously disguised as personal fashion where everyone seeks their own unique creativity, and wants their bald neck to look visually different so they can stand out from the masses.

But those of us with hairy necks know the real reason, that being jealousy. Yes, not everyone can be the owner of hair, particularly on your neck. So, a message to those unlucky people that do not possess good hair neck fortune, keep wearing your scarves and one day your body may become fluffy. Yes, miracles do happen to those that seek hairy freedom! You just need a hairy belief.

 

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by Steven Cramer on August 27, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on August 27, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/08/27/what-your-scarf-says-about-you/

A Predicament of Cuffs

118589355-businessman-rolling-up-his-sleeves-concept-of-motivation

There is a growing trend that visually appears to be creeping out from within the apparel industry that is testing the wearer’s ability to cuff things comfortably. The garment of culprit is the business shirt where the sleeves are mysteriously getting longer.

Yes, in these days where everything is getting smaller, thinner and of a lower quality, it’s remarkable that the use of a costly fashionable cloth in this instance is increasing. Now this may initially sound like an unexpected opportunity for the astute consumer that appreciates value for money, but for those dapper dressers that like their shirt cuffs sitting precisely where they should be, and not half way down their fingers, this is a massive fashion catastrophe.

One could possibly assume that the length of the human arm has mysteriously increased by some unknown genetic mutation over the past year, but even with my minimal understanding of the machinations of the human body, I suspect that this is not the case.

Now should the origin be related to a rare herb or exotic vegetable, then I’m sure the makers of hair tonic, for those with a baldness malady, would have quickly applied the remarkable remedy to the hairless scalp population for immediate commercial gratification.

But alas, none of these wily scenarios seem to apply. Rather, I postulate that it is a deliberate ploy of that canny fashion industry to make the reluctant long-armed shirt wearer think differently as they creatively explore ways to shorten their lengthy predicament.

For those shirt wearers amongst you that are clueless on how to obtain a quick cuffed resolution, may I suggest that you consider the following innovative solutions:

  1. The Sleeve Garter
    This is a throw back to the 19th century when men’s shirts were only provided in one arm length, that being long. Now those fashionable men with a more civilised shorter arm length wore an elastic garter on their upper arm to impinge the unwanted shirt extension. To all antiquated manufacturers that used to fabricate these items, good fortune will soon be coming your way!
  2. The Cuff Roll Up
    This solution is indeed self-explanatory, so get ready for the sight of many a man now carefully rolling up their cuffs to attain the optimum equal arm position. For those in doubt as to the correct length, just keep a handy tape measure in your trouser pocket for surety of mind.
  3. Scissors
    This is a length rectification technique of last resort. Here the desperate shirt wearer applies the scissors with gusto to quickly discard any unwanted material thereby converting the item of clothing into a clever short sleeved shirt.

And if none of these solutions appease your shirt predicament, then only one answer remains. That being, give your unfashionable shirt as a loving gift to that long-armed friend that used to be known for their Neanderthal reach, but, is now the custodian of a wardrobe busting to contain the massive number of shirts reluctantly donated by the hapless chic populace that once enjoyed a comfortably fitting shirt.

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by Steven Cramer on July 31, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on July 31, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/07/31/a-predicament-of-cuffs/

Releasing Your Corporate Yogi

Business woman meditating outdoor over building background

There’s an emerging group of corporate innovators that are now inhabiting many a secluded office where they quickly pull down the blinds for privacy, lower the light intensity to achieve the optimum glow, add some enchanting music, and then nonchalantly roll out their rubber mats. Yes, they are doing yoga.

They arrive with minimal fuss, and happily disregard the usual business communicational banter as they set about preparing their eager minds for just the right emotional zone. Once in the requisite position, their yogi commences a routine with the objective of freeing their hampered corporate thoughts and bodies to allow the mindful process of true innovation to occur.

Now, for those of you new to the yoga experience, the following observations will help with your innovative assimilation.

The Yogi:
There is an instructor leading the class who will inspire your mind, and hopefully your body, to try new positions you never thought possible. They typically have a physique that has attained a state of perfect elasticity, which may yield a reflective look of total bewilderment on your face as to whether your desk bound tight body is slightly capable.

The Rubber Mat:
The rubber mat is an item that provides you with your own private yoga territory on the floor. But be warned, if you are thinking that there is sufficient cushioning to facilitate a state of comfortable slumber, you are indeed mistaken. Its purpose is to provide adequate grip, some basic hard surface relief, but more importantly to signify that you are a true believer of the yoga experience and have given your physical and mental consent to yourself, and those around you.

The Poses:
You will hear many phrases that make sense once you are in the position, such as “the downward facing dog”. However, should you be a novice, may I suggest that you look at the more experienced members in the group as this will provide a more obvious insight, as your “dog” may appear more like a “mouse”.

The Clothes:
Personal modesty is important as you will stretch your body into positions where certain body parts may unintentionally pop out. But as the lighting in the room is quite low, it is unlikely that anyone will see, so relax, except for maybe the Yogi who will quickly hide their smirk in order to avoid mutual embarrassment. As such, make sure that you wear clothes that maintain your respected level of corporate decency.

Once fully immersed in the complete yoga experience, your body will extend into numerous positions of the previous unknown, and with the right breathing, any pain that may initially be experienced will quickly turn to mindful pleasure. It is through this process that you, and your fellow work colleagues, will achieve the desired state of innovative nirvana.

So, should you be wanting to open your mind to allow a new vision of innovation in, the answer is simple. Do yoga, and all will be mindfully revealed.

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by Steven Cramer on March 24, 2019  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on March 24, 2019

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2019/03/24/releasing-your-corporate-yogi/

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