All posts tagged business

Pinocchio’s Law

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A comprehensive population study has recently been completed, by a soon to be prestigious university, that will provide society with a foolproof DNA roadmap ensuring the long term wellbeing of mankind’s want for cultural innovation.

The analysis results were remarkably simple by their nature and have confirmed that people just needed to open their eyes as the source of innovation was, literally before their faces. The researchers wisely named their innovation theory “Pinocchio’s Law” owing to the direct, physical and observable correlation with their university findings.

The results indicated that when an individual fabricates a story, lies, or promotes an untruth, their brain stimulates a corresponding creative growth hormone that initiates increased nasal development. For those people that have mastered this technique, their noses will typically be abnormally long. This also assists in explaining the timeless conundrum as to why babies have small noses, as they have not yet perfected the skill of deception.

Another strategic correlation linked to an individual’s deception ability is that of innovation. An innovative mind needs to be able to think differently and to quickly fabricate events in order to achieve a plausible scenario, even though it might be highly fictitious.

So for those of you that want to spawn a race of innovative offspring, the answer is quite simple. You just need to find a reproductive partner with a nose that is significantly longer than yours, or at least of a matching length.

However, for those of you with a spiritual, sinless and purity of thought inclination, you too have a visual clue to assist you in finding that perfect life accomplice. Yes, you need to seek out people with a short stubby nose, and the chance of any negative humanistic deception tendencies will be minimised.

Yes, “Pinocchio’s Law” can also benefit those in business. Should your CEO have an unusually large nose, well the verdict is simple, don’t believe everything your are told!

In summary, bigger is indeed not better, unless you like deception.

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by Steven Cramer on April 1, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on April 1, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/04/01/pinocchios-law/

“Bicycletic” Benefits

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Recently I joined the globally popular group of two wheeled self-propelled transportation riders commonly known as cyclists. As I sojourned along the picturesque bike paths of Melbourne that are strategically divorced from the motorised road system, I observed numerous behaviours in my fellow riders that have direct application and benefit in the corporate office.

Leadership
As a cyclist, you are indeed master of your own destiny. There is no point following the person riding in front of you, regardless of how attractive and cute that rear view may be, as this will only result in you reaching their goal, not yours. However, if you are happy being a follower, and not a leader, then make sure you enjoy the ride!

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Yes, there are many needs in this hierarchy, but to me, the most applicable and important one relates to the Physiological. After many hours propped vertically on your bike, bottom comfort is a mandatory requirement and a padded seat needs to be a pre-requisite. If not, walking, and other forms of social interaction in the corporate office following the riding experience becomes most awkward and potentially embarrassing.

Status
Riders need to dress for success and to portray that perceived professional appearance of looking like they know what they are doing, regardless of whether they actually have no “bicycletic” clue. Here’s where a stunning riding outfit embellishing the appropriate corporate logo, complimented with an equally expensive road bike with all the latest GPS navigational gadgetry becomes a necessity.

Emotional Control
Being polite and courteous in the corporate office is a must for any manager, regardless of how annoying and frustrating your colleagues may be. Similarly, an emotional outburst at a fellow rider, or daydreaming pedestrian, that gets in your way should not be tolerated. However, for that selfish pompous cyclist that stopped suddenly in front of me yesterday as you answered your mobile phone, I do not apologise for my verbal onslaught as it was absolutely warranted! (yes, you know who you are!)

Safety
All cyclists fully understand that they are smaller than a car and that when it comes to a clash of momentum, they will come a most definite second. HSE guidelines demand that a suitable helmet be placed correctly on your head, regardless of how it may impact your hairstyle. But, there is a place and a time for the use of your bell, and protocol dictates a subtle delicate ring when approaching and passing a slower rider, or walking hazard. But, a high frequency of bell ringing is just annoying and may lead to you being ostracised by your bike path community.

So next time you are experiencing the pleasurable joy of the sound of wind rushing over bike helmet, let your mind wander a little as you contemplate the above “bicycletic” thoughts. However, shutting your eyes to increase your concentration will have a negative side effect and may negate any corporate benefit.

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by Steven Cramer on February 6, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on February 6, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/02/06/bicycletic-benefits/

The Isle of Creativia

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As you fly over the Pacific Ocean at 25,000 feet in the luxurious comfort of your First Class fully reclined leather seat number 1A, the furthest thing from your mind would be the existence of the small county of Creativia located far below. In the time taken for you to scoff your second mouthful of that exquisite, and most decadent, 1951 Penfolds Grange Hermitage, the air turbulence from your plane would have only just tenderly kissed the peaktop of Creativia’s highest mountain. But then again, how could you know that in 20 years from now, Darwin’s Theory of Evolution would prevail, and that you, and all your fellow business travellers that you typify, will then be quite literally extinct. Yes, an unplanned catastrophic business event will exterminate all those corporate organisations that are deemed not up to the required survival standard of innovation and creativity. The result will be the survival of the business fittest, and these individuals will only be the fortunate inhabitants of Creativia.

The origins of Creativia goes back to the early 1960s, when an unknown mutant variant of the human DNA, just happened to form simultaneously by a remarkable freak of nature in many leading industrial countries around the world. Those born with this undetectable and unique gene condition grew up with a distinctively different view of life, business and mankind’s role and place in this earthly environment. For these select individuals, “the glass was always full”, they saw things with a continually positive and optimistic perspective as everything they did was based on an underlying theme of innovation.

These individuals from a very early age immediately understood that they were different from the common populous, and as they grew older and more business savvy, they nonchalantly started to meet surreptitiously in hidden boutique coffee shops around the world. Here they repeatedly tried to quench their endless thirst for creative stimulation with high doses of caffeine in an attempt to satisfy their enduring innovation habits and urges. However, their individual ESP insights warned them of a greater impending creative doom that would soon engulf the business world leading to the complete obliteration of the corporate world as they, and as we, knew it. Like a homing pigeon on a lifelong mission of creative destiny, each of them were mysteriously led by some unknown personal and instinctive force to a small deserted and entirely hidden island, rich in natural resources and copious cash reserves. As the years progressed, these inhabitants waxed strong into a diverse and mighty culture of creative thought. Then, when the time was just right, they as pioneering Creative Ambassadors of Thought, journeyed from Creativia to seek out new and impoverished businesses to rectify the time consuming wrongs of many out-dated CEOs and corporate Executives.

—— 

Twenty years later, it did indeed happen. Looking back, it was a slow, potent, and highly lethal cultural virus that with time took hold and eventually killed the corporate world due to a lack of futuristic and insightful thinking. CEOs from all around the world together fell on their business swords and bleated their proclaimed selfishness in focussing on short-term financial goals and not the longer wellbeing of their corporate organisations. But alas, it was all too late. 

Long live Creativia! 

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by Steven Cramer on February 5, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on February 5, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/02/05/the-isle-of-creativia/

Dirt IS Good

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An office colleague of mine was trying to convey the attributes of infrequent showering as a benefit to the environment, and her body, after reading an article in a leading Australian newspaper*. My altruistic persona understood the associated advantages with water and soap conservation, and for that individual sacrifice I was indeed grateful. However, I must admit that I was struggling to find common agreement with the potential impact on her personal hygiene and that unique, and highly distinctive human odourfication.

That night, whilst driving home in my air-conditioned clean car cocooned from all external negative atmospheric influences, I thought objectively about my colleague, and I came to the conclusion that Dirt was actually a very good thing, particularly for the process of fostering innovation in the corporate office. No, I’m not suggesting for a moment that a dirty unwashed body should be encouraged, particularly as I am still a strong believer in the virtues of daily ablutions, but I am purporting the advantages of having a “dirty mind”, one that is openly shared and encouraged amongst all employees.

Now for all of you that do have a “dirty mind”, immediately stop, go no further with your thought processes!  When I use the term “dirt”, I mean; mud, soil or clay….yes, that Dirt.

In the corporate office, there are many ideas generated, some great, others, well, not so great. However, many of these hypothetically brilliant ideas experience a relatively short creative life that quickly evaporate before they can be progressed to a state of potential future commercial benefit.

Think of a plant that needs time to cultivate roots in dirt from which it obtains the necessary nutrients for growth. If it is left unprotected without the life giving benefits of soil, it soon withers and dies. Similarly, your thoughts require a “dirty mind” to take hold, grow and develop. Here the “dirty mind” is your business culture and it needs to be one that is rich in a variety of ideas that support these fragile seeds of creative thought. Should your business be lacking the “Dirt” and be more like an arid desert where endless restrictive procedures prevail, then innovation has no hope of developing.

Yes, Dirt is good and a “dirty mind” should indeed be encouraged.

* http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/beauty/how-often-should-we-shower-much-less-often-than-you-think-20150310-140487.html

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by Steven Cramer on January 30, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 30, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/01/30/dirt-is-good/

The Knot of Personality

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For those of you in HR that make a career out of personality profiling, you need look no further than but down. Yes, forget your Myers Briggs, DISC, and any other expensive testing regimes that you have been reluctantly using until now as the alternative solution is literally at your feet.

This surprisingly simple, and most definitely cost effective methodology, is based upon numerous years of extensive observation of employees in the corporate office. The test subjects encapsulated a broad cross section of age, sex, educational qualifications, professional experience and fashion.

The final clue to this masterly personality classification technique came to the writer whilst meticulously studying the feet of my colleagues during a rather tedious, and most non-inspiring, business seminar that allowed my mind to be free of all corporate constraints and limitations. Thankfully, it is a skill that I have perfected over numerous corporate presentations and meetings, all utilising the time graciously provided to me by my employer.

OK, enough introductory banter, you just want to know the details! So it’s time for full disclosure.

The key to your personality profile is in your shoelaces. No, do not scoff, as this is a serious study that will in some time in the distant future, by a university that is in desperate need of cash, be fully supported by a highly dubious research paper in an obscure academic publication.

Now for the shoelace facts:

  • The Common Knot (aka “around the tree”): these employees are your generalist and cover the majority of the people in your business. The loops are typically uneven which suggests they tend to not tolerate the status quo.
  • The Loopy Knot (aka “bunny ears”): these people have an open, airy personality and tend to have a career that never progresses, but rather circles backward and forward. These people are destined for a career in middle management.
  • The Knot (literally a knot, no loops): these employees are hard-nosed nutcases and should be quickly exited from the business.
  • No Knot: here we are talking employees that wear boots. Theory suggests that they are quite simple in nature as they failed to master the technique of tying their shoelaces when at kindergarten and may have other un-yet diagnosed psychological disorders.
  • Buckle: these employees are a minority and have that persona that makes them stand out in a crowd. They are frequently destined to become CEO/Executives.
  • Bare Feet: Usually an indication of a free spirited individual. These employees are typically found in the marketing department.

So next time you are in a business meeting sitting with some colleagues, let your eyes wander under the table and focus firmly on their feet. Their personalities will be most evident and readily understood. It’s that simple.

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by Steven Cramer on January 21, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 21, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/01/21/the-knot-of-personality/

Commandments for Casual Friday Attire

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According to the Originator of all corporate knowledge, “In the beginning was the Office, and the Office was with The Employee, and the Office was Innovation”.

And the Originator provided The Employee with 4 days of boring corporate attire. But on the 5th day, the Originator decreed that Innovation would prevail. This 5th day, The Originator named “Casual Friday” and it was announced to all the Office, and it became Law.

I’m sure all those involved in the corporate office have memorised these wise and trusted verses from the Book of Business. But do you really put it into practice?

In my role as Director of Thought Creation in the Faculty of Fictional Innovative Fashion at some soon to be developed leading university, I have made extensive detailed nanosecond studies on the creative benefits of “Casual Friday” for The Employee, and for the Originator.

Firstly, the Originator would be displeased by the study findings, as The Employee is not generally demonstrating the term “casual” in it’s purest form.

A Google search of the word “casual” states, “clothes or shoes suitable for everyday wear rather than formal occasions”. So why is it that so many employees in the corporate office have difficulties following these revered verses from the Book of Business? Is it because they are non-believers of the corporate faith? No, I don’t think this is the case, as many employees will attempt to accommodate the required mindset change on the day of 5, but their attempts seem to have been misguided, or mysteriously corrupted, by some negative forces outside their control?

But relax and take heed as corporate salvation is at hand for those that have their ears, minds, and clothing wardrobes open, and are fully receptive. All The Employee needs to do is to follow these simple and easily understood 10 Commandments of Attire to attain the mental state of “Casual Friday” wellbeing.

  1. Thou shalt not wear a business suit, skirt or dress.
  2. No black shoes will adorn your feet.
  3. Thou shalt not wear any clothing item branded with the Corporate Logo
  4. Thou shalt not covet thy colleague’s clothes
  5. Thou shalt not wear the same clothes that you wore the week before
  6. Thou shalt honour a colleague that wears a bow-tie
  7. Thou shalt turn the cheek when a tartan kilt is worn
  8. Thou shalt not take the word Fashion in vain
  9. Thou shalt wear clothes as no public nudity is allowed
  10. Thou shalt enjoy this day, think differently and experience an innovative thought

By adhering to these Commandments of Attire, the Originator will be pleased, and The Employee will be rewarded with days 6, and 7, officially allocated for rest and recreation.

Amen

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by Steven Cramer on January 9, 2016  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on January 9, 2016

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2016/01/09/commandments-for-casual-friday-attire/

The Law of Pudgification

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As the tiring flurry of those decadent end-of-year corporate parties start to loom, remember the negative and long term effects of the dreaded “Law of Pudgification”.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the knowledge and operation of this physical law, let me take the opportunity to educate you. The Law of Pudgification states, that for every food excess consumed by the eater, regardless of how many attempts are made to lose the weight from your corporately embellished stomach, the consumer’s physical body form will never completely return back to its previous slim state. The extent of this stomach deviation is called the “Residual Pudge”.

However, after extensive university studies involving many willing, and rather naive corporate participants who frequented numerous social office eating engagements, there are some common-sense precautions that sufferers of this physiological condition can make to limit the propagation of their Residual Pudge when at the corporate party.

  1. Enlist a Friend:
    Here your friend’s role is not to engage in social dialog with your corporate colleagues, regardless of how witty and attractive their personality may be to the onlooker. No, their primary objective is to surreptitiously eat all the food given to you whilst none of your work colleagues are observing. If your friend happens to be your twin, this is an additional bonus as the eating exchange will be more readily achieved (assuming you are not standing next to each other).
  1. Announce that you have a rare and highly contagious disease:
    This public declaration entitles you to the wearing of a facemask thereby eliminating any possibility of food consumption. The words “bio-hazard” in large red font branded on the mask will also highly assist in the pursuit of this objective.
  1. Tardiness:
    The deployment of this precaution requires military timing to ensure that you arrive at the office party precisely when all the food has been consumed by your work colleagues. If you happen to arrive and notice that all the room lights have been turned off and that there is no one left in the room, then you may have left your timing a tad too late. However, should this be the case, then relax as there is no opportunity for you to succumb to food consumption and you can be content in the knowledge that your Pudge has been protected.
  1. Workaholic:
    Explain to your work team that you are far too important to leave your desk and that you have six months of work that you need to conclude for the CEO before you commence your holidays. To embellish the charade, try and tear up and state in between muffled sobs that you feel miserable by not being able to attend. On hearing this, your colleagues will typically have extreme empathy for you and will quickly prepare you a large food plate that they will personally deliver to your desk, together with a vast array of well-meaning and sincere comments of sympathy and support. This ploy works a treat as you can then take the food plate home to your growing teenage boys who will quickly accept and consume your kind and caring gesture, and perceived personal eating sacrifice.

Yes, the Law of Pudgification is a problem that is found in all corporate offices around the world, regardless of the size of the business. By adhering to these simple, yet effective Residual Pudge precautions, besides benefiting your stomach, your finances will also be improved as your bodily need to frequently purchase new, and larger, business attire (for additional girth comfort) will be alleviated. However, there are two factors that cannot be controlled in the influence of Residual Pudge, those being age and gravity. But then again, that’s life!

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by Steven Cramer on December 15, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on December 15, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/12/15/the-law-of-pudgification/

The Theory of Toe-Show

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There is a little known, yet so very powerful, antique humanistic theory that is the key foundation in the development of creativity in the corporate office.

This theory has been in existence since the time of primitive man, reached its peak during the ancient Greek and Roman eras, and then regrettably, rapidly diminished with the advent of a more mobilised lifestyle and technology. Fortunately, we have all experienced momentary glimpses of its glory when we are imbibed in our unprotected casual or social interactive home state, but it is rarely seen in its natural physical form in the business environment.

For those exclusive individuals that are in the know, it is called the Theory of Toe-Show. Yes, this important theory relates to your feet, more precisely, your naked feet, unprotected by socks, stockings or shoes, but fully bare to the eyes of the world.

As you ponder the machinations of the Theory of Toe-Show, try and visualise yourself arriving home from the corporate office after a long, hard mind-draining day. What is the first thing that you do to alleviate and rectify your highly-strung mental state? Yes, you take your shoes off and introduce your poor bound feet to a world of nakedness and comfort, and typically exclaim an audible sigh of relief at the attainment of extreme personal satisfaction. Your mind quickly appreciates this mental toe showing and immediately responds with an unhindered release of creative thoughts that would never be aired in your corporate state of status quo.

Prior to the advent of shoes, our feet enjoyed a fully naked status as they were gleefully exposed to the full ambience of their geographic surroundings. The Theory of Toe-Show states that there is a direct link between your feet and your innate creativity. The more you cover your feet with shoes (and such-like), the more your mind is masked from the innovative sparks of your native imagination.

Think of the great Greek and Roman philosophers, their military leaders, their extraordinary astronomers, and their other leading and memorable personas. The origin of this creativity was indeed their minimalistic footwear. Yes, they wore sandals, or just wandered around quite content in bare footed bliss, fully aware that this was the source of their creative intelligence.

So next time you are trying to develop a culture of creativity and innovation in your corporate office, the answer is simple. All you need to do is to implement the Theory of Toe-Show and leave your shoes at the office door and many ideas (and potentially some odours) will quickly prevail.

 

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by Steven Cramer on November 24, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on November 24, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/11/24/the-theory-of-toe-show/

Work Wear for the Active Martian

Jean Shrimpton - photo by Richard Avedon for HarperÕs Bazaar, April 1965

“It’s the year 2165 and we have been living on Mars for the past 30 Earth years and we still can’t differentiate the shape of a woman from a man when we are working outside on the planet surface! These old fashioned, unflattering, NASA styled baggy space suits all make us look like we are living in the 1960s! Enough is enough, it’s time to modernise our Martian appearance and to bring a long overdue standard of fashion to this red dusty plant.”

Yes, we hear you! So, you will all be pleased to know that the Galactic branch of “Space Road”, the leading fashion designer of casual clothing, has now expanded their work wear to accommodate the needs of the discerning Martian resident. No longer will women and men be visually indistinguishable. Yes, we understand the needs of the Martian worker and have developed a unique clothing range that will ensure the wearer is seen on this planet as a stylish leader in your chosen work team.

To cope with the extreme temperature fluctuations, and those pesky and highly unpredictable red dust storms, we have developed a remarkable lightweight fabric that provides optimum thermal protection, together with an inbuilt anti-static additive to repel dirt. This will ensure that the wearer always feels comfortable, refreshed and has that all over clean and stunning professional looking appearance.

The fabric comes in a range of colours and patterns, and there is even a transparent selection available, however owing to the high levels of solar radiation, we would recommend that only those with a large body hair covering choose this one to avoid potential discomfort.

I can hear you asking whether the fabric is clingy? Absolutely is the answer! The wearer will now be able to show the Martian civilisation the complete personality attributes of the individual without any physical limitations from gravity typically experienced when on Earth. There will now be no doubt as to the gender of the wearer, however, for those that are a tad more traditional and conservative by nature, blue and pink fabric selection options are indeed available. We at “Space Road” are also thinking ahead and should the human race mutate with the influence of some potential yet unknown alien relationships, we have reserved a number of unspecified gender colours, just in case they are required at some point in the future.

This modern leading edge Martian wear also fits comfortably into your space boots, gloves and helmet ensuring a snug and compete seal for added protection. Our new solar season range of clothing will soon contain a stylish helmet, which unfortunately wasn’t available for release in this clothing catalogue owing to some slight teething issues with oxygen leaks, a minor problem which we will quickly remedy I’m sure. Please ensure you send us your Martian email address so we can add you to our distribution list for when this helmet, and other cosmically exciting fashion items, become available.

We look forward to servicing all your Martian fashion requirements. For further information, please go to our website in about 6 months as we await the launch of our newly built Telstra 10G satellite which will soon be orbiting Mars. We at “Space Road” thank you you for your patience, but you know what it’s like getting a new satellite these days!

Image: Jean Shrimpton – photo by Richard Avedon for Harpers Bazaar, April 1965

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by Steven Cramer on October 19, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on October 19, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/10/19/work-wear-for-the-active-martian/

Keep your Eyes Focussed

Closeup of a woman wearing a monocle in one eye. Date taken- 1930

The date was the 4th September 2025 and the last Will and Testament of my dear grandfather had just been read. His friends knew him as Barry “Pirate” Cramer, to me, he was simply Papa, and he and I, were the best of friends.

Barry “Pirate” Cramer was an entrepreneur in the true sense of the word and left his family a financial fortune that many people can only dream of attaining. My father, Leon Cramer, was his only son and today became the wealthiest person on the planet.

In my grandfather’s Will, I was left no money, real estate, works of art, or other trinkets that those in the know would classify as valuable. However, the “Pirate” had left me two items that to me characterised the “real” him. These were his gold-rimmed monocle, and his personal diary.

It took about three months before I could open his diary owing to the grief I had been feeling, but once I did, I could never have imagined the innovative insights that this little worn leather bound book contained.

Barry “Pirate” Cramer was a business visionary and could always see how to commercialise new and novel ideas that many of his peers, and competitors, could never understand, or appreciate.

He earned his “Pirate” nickname for two reasons. The most obvious one being that he always wore a monocle in his right eye. The other one was that he was famous for plundering companies that were on the brink of bankruptcy that he miraculously, and quickly, transformed into highly profitable business that were the envy of the original owners.

As I was rummaging one night through his diary, I was intrigued by the words that he had scribbled when he was only 21 years old, an age which signalled the start of his financial prowess. The reference was to why pirates wore a patch over one eye. Apparently they did this so their eyes were ready for combat in the poorly lit interior of a ship [1]. As such, they always had one eye accustomed to light, the other prepped for darkness.

Papa took this concept further and replaced the pirate eye patch with the monocle, which eventually became his personal signature facial accessory. Yes, he did need to wear glasses, but he used the monocle in a cunning and rather visionary way. By wearing a monocle, his eyes were always focussed on the short and longer distances, ready for any visual obstacle that he may encounter. However, he took this in not just the metaphorical sense. Whenever he viewed a problem, he was always able to literally “see” two sides to the solution, the short-term and most obvious one that everyone could appreciate, but also the future opportunity that many of his competition could not comprehend.

What a brilliant visionary concept, one that many corporate businesses, particularly their CEOs, could learn from and utilise in in the development of their strategic plans. The key is to be a “pirate” and to have one eye looking at the now, the other eye very much focussed on the future.

So next time you go to the optometrist for your pair of fashionable glasses, why not get a monocle instead and let the potential pirate in you take control! You will also look rather spiffy, and will most definitely be noticed.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyepatch

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by Steven Cramer on September 4, 2015  •  Permalink
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Posted by Steven Cramer on September 4, 2015

https://thinkingfuturethoughts.com/2015/09/04/keep-your-eyes-focussed/

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