The Joy of Male Stubicular Freedom

shaving-advert (1)

It happens every morning, and is particularly accentuated following a long weekend, or an extended period of annual leave. It’s when men throughout the world have a good hard look at themselves in the mirror, sigh loudly with despair, and then initiate that reluctant deed of mass facial hair follicle removal. Alas, a few minutes later, a corporate looking face peers back at the observer as they prepare themselves for the look, and appearance, that complies to their traditional business standards of grooming acceptance.

Let’s stop for a moment and analyse just what’s actually going on here as this facial “stubicular” growing experience is not what it first seems to the onlooker, particularly for those that are female. No, it’s not an act of corporate rebellion, nor another demonstration of male laziness. It is a feeling that men of all ages immediately relate to, sacredly cherish, and have done so since the age of time when the first hair remarkably sprouted from their noble chin. Rather, it is an innate psychological behaviour that typifies the fundamental essence of being a man which is commonly unleashed when relaxing in a non-work environment.   

But, it is more than this, it is a unique masculine feeling that is directly proportional to a man’s sense of creativity and innovation. University studies of some yet to be published academic research, will undoubtedly affirm that when a man frees his mind to think, and to allow ideas to permeate unhindered, his facial hairs have a propensity to grow.

Any Marketing Managers, or HR Managers reading this blog post, please pay attention as the clue to the development of an innovation culture within your company has just been provided. Yes, you need to encourage your male employees to resist the urge to shave. They should be encouraged to grow moustaches, beards and portray long side-burns as “hair fuzz” does indeed equate to innovation. Any advocates of corporate safety will also applaud and support your hairy male decision as the days of facial razor cuts will soon be a unwelcomed sight from the past. So what are you waiting for? As that Nike® slogan says, “Just Do it” so you can quickly reap the furry rewards of creativity.

PS: And should your organization be blessed with menfolk that have a massive hairy chest, well, you are sitting on a copious and hugely under-utilized innovation resource just waiting to be unleashed from their business shirts!

The Experience of E-Class Flight

Annex - Grant, Cary (Only Angels Have Wings)_05

Once again, I had to go through the drudgery of booking my Qantas flight QF9 from Melbourne to London. It was a business flight that I reluctantly did every month, I loved it when I arrived at my London destination, but the long flight, well, I despised every torturous hour associated with it.

Owing to the frequency of my travel, the online booking process typically only took me a few minutes to complete. As usual, I entered my well-versed Qantas Frequent Flyer number, but once done, a new and rather unexpected screen mysteriously opened up in my booking. Initially I was a tad flabbergasted, as I was accustomed to seeing the usual cabin selection options of First, Business and the various Economy options. But this time, I was presented with some rather unusual seating option classifications; S, F or E to which I was quite intrigued. Apparently, owing to a combination of my lofty Frequent Flyer status, and my personal profile (possibly also due to my habitual bow-tie wearing fashion statements as professionally noted by the more discerning Qantas flight stewardesses), I had been offered the opportunity to participate in a rather unique test flight to London. I was then provided with an option to proceed, or to go back to the booking screen of normality. I had 30 seconds to make my choice. After a brief microsecond period of some limited superficial in depth thinking, I had quickly made my decision and without any hesitation selected the button marked “Go for it”.

Immediately, I entered a new and differently badged Qantas booking screen and discovered that S = Serious, F = Fun and E = Experience. Without going into all the aircraft cabin classification descriptive paraphernalia, and for the sake of verbal brevity, all you need to know is that I selected E-class (and checked the 12 page disclaimer box to confirm my booking).

A few days later, I arrived at Melbourne airport dressed in the minimalist clothing as prescribed by Qantas for the newly designated E-class traveller. Once checked in by the delightful and somewhat suspiciously and rather endlessly smirking Qantas staff, I was handed my E-class travel kit. In it were some face masked goggles, a tight fitting Qantas embroidered and personally monogrammed rubber suit that made me look like a spiffy surfer, some matching rubber boots, gloves and snug hat (we didn’t need to wear the latter until further advised). I was then ushered into an impressive private Qantas Club Lounge and saw a variety of other cautiously optimistic travellers.

There were those dressed like me, some looking slightly embarrassed as these suits were so body hugging that nothing was left to the imagination. There were others dressed in the traditional long haul international air travel casual attire; apparently these people had booked F-class. There was a small minority dressed in their stock-standard business suits, skirts, and other conservative items; they were obviously the S-class travellers.

A few minutes later we boarded the plane, but I was soon to discover that this was no ordinary Qantas plane, far from it. As I was in E-class, we boarded first as we had to make our way to the rear of the aircraft.

As we walked through the plane, the first thing that was immediately apparent was that the usual row of passenger seats had been removed. In the First/Business class seating location, there was a range of individually placed workstations, desks, sofas-chairs, computer screens, private sleeping booths, showers and a fine dining restaurant. This was S-class and it was designed for the serious business worker!

In the middle section of the plane, F-class resided. Here a vast array of computer games, cinemas, snooker tables, dartboards, massage rooms, spas, saunas and a healthy organic restaurant was located. This was an area that encouraged fun, frivolity and definitely no work. For those passengers that were a little bit overcome with too much excitement, there were large brightly coloured beanbags, lounge chairs and some private sleep booths.

After a few minutes I finally arrived in my designated E-class and was asked to adorn my complete rubber uniform. I, and my fellow apprehensive thrill seekers were then ushered in groups of four into separate doorways that led into a small-enclosed capsule. It was at this stage, as my heart sounded to pound a little too loudly, that I started to question my enthusiasm and whether I had made the right travel choice, but there was no turning back now, particularly as it would take me hours to peel this wetsuit from my body, no, the only choice was to proceed.

In the capsule there were no seats, just a long cushioned black couch and what looked like a surfboard leg rope, but I quickly ascertained that this was actually an oxygen chord that was soon plugged into my goggle facemask by yet another smiling Flight Attendant. I was now starting to sweat quite profusely in my wet suit with some trepidation, particularly as I vividly recalled the long-winded and fine font disclaimer that I had recently signed without reading any of the content.

A few minutes later, I was strapped in with my fellow E-class pioneers and soon felt the immense vibration of the aircraft’s B777 engines permeating through my body as we became airborne. Then it happened.

An almighty noise occurred and my capsule started to quickly separate from the plane, the only link being a metal umbilical chord. To my delight (and horror), the aerodynamic capsule was completely encapsulated with an external wall of highly transparent glass, and a massive array of strategically positioned air vents. I immediately felt the cold icy air gusting ferociously all over my body. Suddenly, the tight straps tying me, and my fellow E-classers, to the couch were released. We were now free flowing and quickly started to body surf the air currents! A sign now appeared on the capsule console saying, “Welcome to E-class”.

After a few hours, I quickly mastered the flying technique and was sought out by other passengers for tips on how to stay aloft without getting that unfashionable, and rather uncomfortable, wind puffed look when a high velocity slip stream entered the wearers protective rubber body suit without formal invitation.

Yes, the time quickly passed as I literally flew to London, and what an experience!

In recognition for my E-class prowess, I have now been issued with a special Qantas Frequent Flyer card, one that provides me with travel privileges that cannot be disclosed so as to avoid envy from other passengers. Would I fly E-class again? No, I’ve moved beyond that, I now fly EE-class, one that is very exclusive.

So next time you fly on business, may I suggest that you try and think that little bit differently with your selected cabin class and airline? And should you get the opportunity to ever travel E-class, most definitely do so as it will be worth it, trust me.

If The Head Fits, Then Wear It

1950-mens-fedora-stetson-whippet

This afternoon I was standing nonchalantly at the corner of a busy road intersection painfully aware of the intense bright Australian sun beaming down on my hairless head with absolute ferocity. “Why was I not wearing a hat?” It was quite stupid really when I actually thought about, particularly when reminded by my delicate skinned head as it quickly transitioned to a pink coloured and progressively uncomfortable warm state.

Looking around at my fellow Melbourne city lunchtime walkers, I literally saw no hats adorning the head of any fashionable suit clad man, nor elegantly and spiffily dressed woman. The only hats observed seemed to be situated on the heads of the elderly, or those below the age of 20 in the shape of a mod-looking cap, complete with a market approved logo emblazoned just above its peak. In the years past, men and woman all wore hats that complemented and embellished their business attire, and which provided them with a distinctive look that was most dashing, sophisticated, and had that mark of business professionalism. So, why the change in our cultural hat appreciation? Was it due to the long, free flowing hairstyles of the sixties, seventies and eighties decades where the hair-boof factor made wearing a hat not socially acceptable, nor possible, owing to the excessive follicular volume?

One will never know, but the time is now ripe for a global corporate hat revolution!

Oui, Vive Le Chapeau!

My fellow corporate office compatriots, go on, don’t procrastinate any longer, take action, heed this call to your head and wear a hat!

I can hear your objections, one in particular, that being, what about the dreaded look of “hat hair”? Relax, all will be just fine, mainly as this newly acquired hair look will soon become a fashion statement that publicly notifies the world that you have elected to protect the longer term wellbeing of your head, and are now an accredited and chicly respected wearer of hats! Yes, you will be a modern trendsetter, and one that will soon be a stylish pioneer that will be ogled with extreme envy by the unfortunate hatless few.

Now, for any HR Managers reading this blog post, there is now one strategically important office furniture addition that you will quickly need to purchase to maintain employee morale, that being a hat stand so as to cope with the massive influx of hats!

Work Wear for the Active Martian

Jean Shrimpton - photo by Richard Avedon for HarperÕs Bazaar, April 1965

“It’s the year 2165 and we have been living on Mars for the past 30 Earth years and we still can’t differentiate the shape of a woman from a man when we are working outside on the planet surface! These old fashioned, unflattering, NASA styled baggy space suits all make us look like we are living in the 1960s! Enough is enough, it’s time to modernise our Martian appearance and to bring a long overdue standard of fashion to this red dusty plant.”

Yes, we hear you! So, you will all be pleased to know that the Galactic branch of “Space Road”, the leading fashion designer of casual clothing, has now expanded their work wear to accommodate the needs of the discerning Martian resident. No longer will women and men be visually indistinguishable. Yes, we understand the needs of the Martian worker and have developed a unique clothing range that will ensure the wearer is seen on this planet as a stylish leader in your chosen work team.

To cope with the extreme temperature fluctuations, and those pesky and highly unpredictable red dust storms, we have developed a remarkable lightweight fabric that provides optimum thermal protection, together with an inbuilt anti-static additive to repel dirt. This will ensure that the wearer always feels comfortable, refreshed and has that all over clean and stunning professional looking appearance.

The fabric comes in a range of colours and patterns, and there is even a transparent selection available, however owing to the high levels of solar radiation, we would recommend that only those with a large body hair covering choose this one to avoid potential discomfort.

I can hear you asking whether the fabric is clingy? Absolutely is the answer! The wearer will now be able to show the Martian civilisation the complete personality attributes of the individual without any physical limitations from gravity typically experienced when on Earth. There will now be no doubt as to the gender of the wearer, however, for those that are a tad more traditional and conservative by nature, blue and pink fabric selection options are indeed available. We at “Space Road” are also thinking ahead and should the human race mutate with the influence of some potential yet unknown alien relationships, we have reserved a number of unspecified gender colours, just in case they are required at some point in the future.

This modern leading edge Martian wear also fits comfortably into your space boots, gloves and helmet ensuring a snug and compete seal for added protection. Our new solar season range of clothing will soon contain a stylish helmet, which unfortunately wasn’t available for release in this clothing catalogue owing to some slight teething issues with oxygen leaks, a minor problem which we will quickly remedy I’m sure. Please ensure you send us your Martian email address so we can add you to our distribution list for when this helmet, and other cosmically exciting fashion items, become available.

We look forward to servicing all your Martian fashion requirements. For further information, please go to our website in about 6 months as we await the launch of our newly built Telstra 10G satellite which will soon be orbiting Mars. We at “Space Road” thank you you for your patience, but you know what it’s like getting a new satellite these days!

Image: Jean Shrimpton – photo by Richard Avedon for Harpers Bazaar, April 1965

You have Changed!

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Yes, my friends were right, it was just like “Dorian Gray”, I had changed. To confirm their thoughts, I decided to review images of myself over the past few months, just to see if there were any visual signs.

I perused Facebook and a multitude of iPhone images and aligned them in chronological date order hoping to find a clue. I quizzed my friends as to what differences they were observing in me, in particular, when they thought the change may have occurred? I needed to discover my behavioural tipping point and it’s potential origin.

I spend the whole night pondering my notes, looking at photographs and at 11:34 PM that evening, I noticed it.

The initial change was subtle, but the time comparison between then and now was momentous. Yes, I had changed, and in a big way.

I was now a much more confident, outgoing individual, with a continual smile on my face. My business attire of the traditional and conservative dark blue suit with white shirt, and boring striped tie, had been replaced with a stylish array of coloured shirts with cuff-linked sleeves, bow-ties, pocket hankies, and an impressive daily shaved smooth slick head.

The point zero appeared to coincide when I began working for a new company, one that had an amazingly vibrant work ethic and culture. As a pondered and thought about this further, the term “cultural chemicalization” came to mind. For those of who reading this blog post let me explain the concept further.

If I were to look up the term “cultural chemicalization” in a dictionary, it would say: “the subconscious absorption (or chemicalization) of an organization’s culture by an employee where a change in behavioural state occurs”.

Yes, I had subconsciously, and quite happily I must admit, absorbed the positive culture of my new place of work, and the more I thought about it, so had all my fellow colleagues. The result was an amazing environment where creativity and innovation excelled to the fullest.

The process of “cultural chemicalization” begins with the CEO and the Executive Team. It is their behaviour that sets the benchmark for all employees and those they meet externally. As that saying goes, “what you see is what you get”. As an employee, if you observe a positive, enthusiastic management team, you and your organization will respond accordingly. If you see “nothing”, then that’s exactly what you will receive and experience.

Yes, my friends were right, I had changed, and I was loving it!

The Choice is in Your Hand – Left or Right?

Thinking Mode 1

For many years now, men of all ages, have been daunted with one of the most important life choices that needs to be made on a daily basis first thing each morning. This decision is not one that should ever be rushed, nor should it be trivialized, as the resultant selection will linger for the remainder of the day until eventually corrected that evening with a potential, and welcome, sigh of relief.

For most men, symmetry is the most common selection criterion, but some do like to go with a surprise methodology that may invoke that well known law of uncertainty and mystique. Others may match colour, size and complexity to complement their prevailing mood. Some may utilize a delayed surprise and shock strategy that requires a pointed unveiling, at the appropriate time, to reinforce and embellish an important event. For me, I go with an approach that is built entirely around complete randomness, however, having them is a non-negotiable life necessity.

Women and children have also been known to partake in their use as they reinforce diversity and are not bound, nor limited, by any classification of stereotype, nor allocated gender.

The items are ageless and can be passed down between generations to signify belonging, prestige, heredity or just plain and simple usefulness. Some are priceless, others may be worthless, but their value is indeed calculated in the eye of the beholder.

They are typically seen in the corporate office, but no restriction applies to their use as they are not bound by any regulations, statutes, or HR policies, and are free to participate in any public, or private, work, or social environment.

Some say they were first observed in the 16th century. I say their use is timeless, and they shall prevail for many centuries to come bringing a sense of satisfaction and continued personal self-esteem for all generations!

They are a sign of personal innovation, creativity and confirm your undeniable link to shirt fashion.

Yes, they are cuff-links. May you wear them with pride, savor the experience, and enjoy the looks of nodding approval from your colleagues, friends, and even those you don’t know yet (but they will undoubtedly know you)!

The “White-Hole” of Innovation

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I have been writing copious business articles for the New York Times for the past 39 years. Let me tell you, I have seen it all, but I had never scored that once in a lifetime literary scoop that all serious and well-respected journalists dream about, until now! I was so excited that I could hardly sit still. I was seated, or should I say fidgeted, in the massive private reception area of the most amazing, and phenomenally advanced innovative global electronics company that the modern world has ever known, and I was about to meet their CEO (Chloe Jibs).

I had known Chloe for at least 20 years and considered her a true friend. On many occasions I had tried to gleam from her the source of her unique business prowess and unlimited creativity, but these numerous requests had been turned down with her usual, quiet, yet charming, nonchalant smile, until now. Her unexpected change in mind was most likely due to this being her last day as CEO. Tomorrow, Chloe would begin her long awaited, and very well planned, relaxed non-corporate life living on her private island located in the Great Barrier Reef (half her luck I thought).

At the predetermined meeting time, Chloe emerged from her office dressed in her traditional non-corporate casual attire (blue jeans, shirt, snug fitting boots and those ever present dark Ray-Ban sunglasses that complemented her golden long hair) and beckoned me into her office. With the door shut impeccably tight, the long awaited meeting began. In that room, I was provided with secrets that only an innovative visionary could communicate. My ears burned as I listened. My eyes were dazzled with the brilliance of the sights that I was most honoured and humbled to see.

That night as I sat in my study, I tried to come to terms with what I had seen when I was with Chloe earlier that afternoon. My brain was struggling to comprehend the enormity of it all; my body was still tingling with a sensation of unbelievable elation. In contrast, my heart was despondent, as I knew that I was on the precipice of a potential award in journalism that would be the pinnacle of my newspaper career, but I would never be able to publish my story owing to my promise to Chloe never to share this knowledge.

I needed more understanding and typed the term “black hole” into Google and read the following:

A black hole is a mathematically defined region of spacetime exhibiting such a strong gravitational pull that no particle or electromagnetic radiation can escape from it. The theory of general relativity predicts that a sufficiently compact mass can deform spacetime to form a black hole”. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_hole)

In other words, a “black hole” sucks everything into it, never to escape. But, apparently, according to a “reliable and informed academic”, some items do indeed escape! The exit point is a mathematical phenomenon called a “white hole” where all the contents of the “black hole” are expelled with massive energy and light.

Chloe’s “white hole” was an outlet for all the innovative and creative ideas created within other organisations that theoretically ended up going no where, or were forgotten with time. Somehow, Chloe had managed to direct the vast array of “idea black hole” waste sinks of her competition and to accumulate them into the “white hole” located with her office. No wonder she always wore sunglasses owing to the continual “white hole” illumination!

The core aspect in Chloe’s business success was in how she could cobble the discarded ideas gleamed from her competition into highly sought after, and very profitable, commercial electronic products that were now common items (eg phones, computers, tablets, watches) used by people of all ages around the world.

Well, a promise is a promise. I could never let the public know about the “white hole” phenomenon.

But, it’s a good thing that those of you reading this blog now know the “truth” about their existence. But more importantly, don’t let your innovative ideas go to waste, use them, and develop them further so as to avoid that undesirable “black hole” where they may just be useful to some other organisation in the future!

And yes….this is all fiction!
Image: 123RF

Corporate Office Time (COT) – Redefined

blond girl

Her name I believe was Susan, but that is somewhat irrelevant as she should have been any one of us.

Susan meandered in through the main office reception area and immediately everyone’s eyes were fixated upon her. All business activities ceased, it was like “Corporate Office Time” (COT) had stopped with her physical presence. Once the Susan persona had moved past, the only evidence that remained were the quiet rumblings of gossip and consternation.

No, it wasn’t just Susan’s long blond free flowing wavy hair, nor her brightly coloured jeans, her loose fitting and fully button collared casual silk shirt, the coloured toenails, or that distinctive walking style, it was the combination of all these attributes that when combined together created a unique and quite distinctive point of difference. Susan certainly did not portray that traditional and well-entrenched corporate look of conservatism, her appearance just didn’t “fit in” with the “corporate standards” of this office!

If we were able to take a snapshot of COT in the past, and in the future, to observe and compare the changes in “corporate standards”, the viewing I’m sure would be rather interesting and revealing.

In that 1960 classic film called “The Time Machine” (H.G. Wells), the character portrayed by the actor Rod Taylor, observes a female clothing mannequin in a shop window where he sees women’s fashion literally changing before his eyes.
(Ref: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVlr24zD_KQ)

What is classified as acceptable business attire in one period of COT may be completely inappropriate in another point in time.

This then begs the question, what initiates the change and who deems it acceptable? Should this change in corporate standards be subtle, or one that causes a major dislocation in the office cultural environment? My preference is the latter, one that forces a change in the innovation mindset of employees and makes everyone think that little bit differently. After all, we are not all privy to having access to a “Corporate Office Time Machine” (COTM) where we can test the impact of future ideas before we implement them, so let’s just get on with it and enjoy the uncertainty!

The corporate office needs more people like Susan as these employees have the courage to introduce new and innovative ideas that continually test the boundaries of COT. These people force others in the office to review current “corporate standards” as the window of what is termed “acceptance” needs to be regularly expanded, just like the shop store fashions in “The Time Machine” film.

So, let’s stop focussing on the past and start excitedly introducing the future into the present!

Note: The image is of Weena (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eloi)

Membership in the League of Hairy Chested Men

Hairy chest

There are many “taboo” topics that are typically not talked about in a public forum, and particularly not in the corporate office. Similarly, these items of private interest are also not privy to the benefit of being found in numerous blog post searches, nor other forms of the social networking media.

No, I’m not talking “women’s issues”, I’m talking one that has been baffling men for thousands of years and I think it is time for it to make an appearance without any fear of reprisal or public humiliation!

I for one, have embraced my DNA heredity right of manhood and display my male characteristics to the fullness. How do I feel you may ask? Brilliant, and I encourage all men to follow my lead and embrace their god given right to show it!

Yes, I’m a full member of the “League of Hairy Chested Men”. That’s right, I have copious amounts of chest hair and I’m not ashamed to show it, in fact, I flaunt it whenever possible!

Now all you clothing fashion designers reading this blog post, take note as there are some important and key learnings here for you. Now that I have your attention, please consider the following points when next you develop a shirt for men:

Buttons: There are too many. You can increase your profits by eliminating the top three buttons, as they are superfluous for the hairy chested man. We like to flaunt our masculinity and these additional buttons just get in the way of our exhibitionist tendencies.

Fabric Thickness: Don’t skimp here! Men’s chest hairs are sneaky little creatures and they just love peering through the cloth. The result is an itchy chest and a look that can be a tad prickly to the observer.

Colour: Not white, as we don’t want our hidden hairs taking over the surreptitious show from those that have been formally allowed to preen in a public and approved manner.

So, to all you women read this post, the future of men’s chest hairs are indeed in your hands. You have the power to encourage your menfolk to show their hairiness and to join me in the global quest for chest hair freedom!

To all you hairy men…..be seen, be hairy! It’s a great feeling of empowerment!

Image: Shutterstock

Business As Unusual

Another piece of Strange Fruit

When it’s your first time in a new office, you tend to notice things, and I was definitely observing! This place was certainly different!

I sat down with one of my new work colleagues and noticed that he was wearing different coloured socks. Nothing unusual I thought, at least he wasn’t wearing a brown shoe on his left foot, and a black one on his right one, like the guy walking past us!

I then noticed that a young woman sitting near us was wearing a white stylish shirt, but there were no buttons, rather an array of brightly coloured loops that when intertwined kept the shirt together. This was complemented with some stockings under her skirt that had a most unusual motif.

Another work colleague was sipping their steaming short black coffee with a rather transparent bendy straw, the ceramic coffee cup was blue, but the cup saucer was red.

On checking the time on the office walk clock, I saw that the clock hands were reversed, the minute hand was short, the hour hand was long, to add to the confusion, it also went backwards.

Was there nothing “usual” in this office?

I just had to find out what was going on and leaned over to my new colleague and asked him why this office was “different”?

He responded with a most curious reply. He said that here in this office it is “Business as Unusual”. I was sure that I’d not heard him incorrectly and said, “You mean “Business as Usual”? His reply was immediate, “No, it’s “Business as Unusual”. Here in this office, innovation is not a separate business activity defined by a Department of Innovation, nor a Chief Innovation Officer, here innovation is naturally and effortlessly demonstrated in every activity and behaviour undertaken, by all employees. Innovation is not a process that you turn on and off when there is a business need, it is part of your corporate DNA and it needs to be continually expressed, what’s more, it’s expected. Business should never be “usual”, if it is, then innovation has no hope in succeeding”.

“What a great organisation”, I thought. Upon which I decided it was definitely time to do some corporate clothes shopping, I urgently needed some new business attire before I took one further step in this office!

Yes, it’s “Business as Unusual”!