It’s a Thong Thing

flip-flops

From time immemorial, and even longer than most of us can remember, there has been one unique and practical icon that continues to symbolise mankind’s freedom of thought. No, some have mistakenly thought it to be the “peace sign”, but for those that are in the know, it’s a humble flexible rubber item that fits snuggly between your toes and comfortably cushions your naked feet.

It comes in a variety of fashionable colours and sizes, including those fun seeking wearers that like bling. It is not hindered by sex, age, nationality, or your Myers Briggs profile. You can be short, tall, hairy or bald; this item has no bias or prejudice, and willingly supports any individual that seeks to break the shackles of corporate footwear.

Yes, it’s the thong.

For some strange reason, when wearing a thong, the individual quickly achieves a state of desired relaxation, or “feet nirvana”, where all business concerns, stress and worrying trepidation seem to mysteriously vanish. You have all experienced that feeling of gleeful “arhhh” when the thong happily replaces that constrictive tight laced shoe and stifling sock.

With a thong embellishing your foot, your mind just seems to be free to think, ponder, and explore creative thoughts. So why is it that there is a dearth of thong wear when in the corporate office? Is the thong an overlooked innovation catalyst that needs to be tried and tested in your business establishment? By the way, for those of you thinking about a PhD in business innovation, you may have just discovered a topic worthy of further research?

So when next you sit at your office desk and feel the need for some long overdue inspired thoughtful innovation, don’t go and purchase your habitual soy milk chai latte with honey, just whip off your shoes and socks, and surreptitiously surrender your feet to the thong. Should you work in a conservative organisation, I would suggest some black or dark blue coloured thongs, which I’m sure will most definitely conform to any corporate dress code without the need to redress.

Corporate innovation? Consider, the thong.

Office Stress Elimination

woman darkness

There is a dark room in the corporate office that is buried deep down in the depths of the building foundations. In this room sits a quiet unassuming gentle natured woman who has a perpetual smile continually permeating from her face.

Her body is an illuminated random visual blur of different coloured lights that are reflecting the constantly changing computer screen displays that cover every inch of her office walls. Her eyes dart from each computer screen on the look out for that bright red warning light to flash indicating that she needs to move into the appropriate corrective action routine that is stipulated for her to follow when prompted.

So what exactly does she do? Well, let me enlighten you.

Did you know that underneath each of your computer keyboards in the corporate office there is a microscopic sensor? This sensor has been finely calibrated to measure the finger force that you apply when using your computer. When you are stressed, or agitated, the sensor measures the corresponding minute change in your finger pressure from your usual benchmark ‘non-stressed value’ that has been determined over many hours of computer typing activity.

For those of you that are a tad stressed for a long duration whilst residing at your computer, this triggers a red flashing warning light on the woman’s console.

I will now explain this woman’s role in the corporate office. She is the Senior Director of Stress Elimination and reports directly to the Vice President of HR.

The flashing red light now prompts the well established smile on her face to quickly widen as she prepares the required corrective action to alleviate the user stress now identified on her computer console. She is now in her element and initiates all her years of stress reduction training.

She now types in the secretive stress reduction codes into her computer. Once the ‘enter’ key has been hit, a chain reaction of electrical interference is now implemented.

The stressed person sitting at their computer will suddenly be plunged into an eery silence . All the phones and computers of their surrounding work colleagues will be immediately shutdown. However, their computer will continue to operate without any hindrance. The stressed worker will now hear a loud flurry of annoyed and angry colleagues sitting next to them and they will consider that they are quite lucky in that they can still work without any interruption! Their sense of stress will now change to a feeling happiness!

I can now hear you ask about how the Senior Director of Stress Elimination now handles the commotion that she has now generated? Well, the answer is quite simple, she has a coffee break and leaves it to the corporate IT Help Desk to sort out!

Fifteen minutes later, when everything has now settled down, she returns quietly to her desk and awaits for her next stress relieving opportunity to assist a fellow work colleague….

Corporate Access Code 76806864

I want to share a secret with you! But you need to promise not to tell anyone in your office! If you can’t abide with these T&Cs of confidentiality, then you need to stop reading this blog post right now.

For those of you that have agreed to the prescribed conditions, please move a little closer to your computer screen so I have your full and undivided attention.

OK, so what’s this all about you may ask? Now let me explain.

Have you ever noticed some people in your office that seem to do everything just right? They are the people who never seem to get stressed, always complete their work on time and tend to have the most innovative and creative ideas?
They are typically the career “high flyers” in the corporate organization and seem to exude a disturbingly youthful and ageless appearance.

So what is the secret to their success? Allow me to educate you accordingly.

Come with me on a walk in your office to a room that you may have never noticed. To do so, there needs to be no talking, pushing or shoving as we need to be quite stealthful in our journey. For additional noise reduction, please put these special socks on your feet, which come in two corporate colours – pink and blue. It doesn’t really matter which sock colour you select, and I won’t make any judgement should you choose one in particular! Now that we are all set, let’s proceed.

We are now standing outside a particular door that has a large combination keypad with which we need to provide a certain numeric combination. This code is only provided to those employees who are deemed suitable for this room entry privilege. Let’s enter the code 76806864. As I do so, the door quickly opens.

On entering the room, you will see some wooden chairs, desks, writing pads and an array of fountain pens filled with black ink. The room is completely white, quite cold and has no windows or paintings on the walls. You will notice that there are no electrical power outlets, no computers and more importantly, no noise. The only item adhered to the wall is a clock, but there are only numbers, no hour, minute or second hands, there is also no tick, apart from a warm yellow glow permeating from its circumference.

So what’s so special about this room you may ask? Well, in this room time “just stops”. Those entering the room do not age. Those people sitting at the work desks have quite literally an infinite amount of time to master and perfect any project they are working on. They can brainstorm and develop ideas that may take their fellow colleagues many lifetimes to progress, however in this room, they have all the time they require.

If you had access to this room, you too could be seen by your peers as a genius or a “high flyer”, the only limiting factor that you face is time, unlike those fortunate enough to have access to this secretive room.

So what are the learnings from our visit to this room?
1. Pink or Blue socks are quite comfortable compared to work shoes.
2. The access code is 76806864
3. This is the most important learning – Don’t let the concept of time limit your potential in your work career. You have unlimited time to do what you need to do and if you recognise and appreciate this fact, your stress will be reduced and your life will be rather more spiffy than it currently is at the moment.
4. And yes – unfortunately, this room does not exist in real life, but just imagine the possibilities if it actually did!
5. Just focus on items 1 and 3

The Holiday Room

Swim

“I really need a holiday, but I’m too busy to have one!”

I’m sure that you have all heard this phrase in your places of work. Many people are tired, stressed and in need of a break from work to unwind and relax. The problem is finding the time to get away.

The solution is the establishment of a “Holiday Room” in the office.

In the winter months, this room would contain bright lights, sand, ocean music, a small bathing pool and beach umbrellas. Employees dressed out in bathing suits, sunglasses and beach towels, would be able to book the “Holiday Room” for a private or communal sharing session in hourly time blocks to “get away from it all”.

In the summer months, the “Holiday Room” could be refrigerated with snow, an ice-cold bubbling water pool complete with plastic penguins floating on the surface and a variable speed wind machine.

Of course, there are many options available for the “Holiday Room” depending on the variety of tastes and cultures of the employees.

I’m sure that an experience in the “Holiday Room”, although not quite the real thing, would assist with employee relaxation and lead to a happier and more production work environment!

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