Office Stress Elimination

woman darkness

There is a dark room in the corporate office that is buried deep down in the depths of the building foundations. In this room sits a quiet unassuming gentle natured woman who has a perpetual smile continually permeating from her face.

Her body is an illuminated random visual blur of different coloured lights that are reflecting the constantly changing computer screen displays that cover every inch of her office walls. Her eyes dart from each computer screen on the look out for that bright red warning light to flash indicating that she needs to move into the appropriate corrective action routine that is stipulated for her to follow when prompted.

So what exactly does she do? Well, let me enlighten you.

Did you know that underneath each of your computer keyboards in the corporate office there is a microscopic sensor? This sensor has been finely calibrated to measure the finger force that you apply when using your computer. When you are stressed, or agitated, the sensor measures the corresponding minute change in your finger pressure from your usual benchmark ‘non-stressed value’ that has been determined over many hours of computer typing activity.

For those of you that are a tad stressed for a long duration whilst residing at your computer, this triggers a red flashing warning light on the woman’s console.

I will now explain this woman’s role in the corporate office. She is the Senior Director of Stress Elimination and reports directly to the Vice President of HR.

The flashing red light now prompts the well established smile on her face to quickly widen as she prepares the required corrective action to alleviate the user stress now identified on her computer console. She is now in her element and initiates all her years of stress reduction training.

She now types in the secretive stress reduction codes into her computer. Once the ‘enter’ key has been hit, a chain reaction of electrical interference is now implemented.

The stressed person sitting at their computer will suddenly be plunged into an eery silence . All the phones and computers of their surrounding work colleagues will be immediately shutdown. However, their computer will continue to operate without any hindrance. The stressed worker will now hear a loud flurry of annoyed and angry colleagues sitting next to them and they will consider that they are quite lucky in that they can still work without any interruption! Their sense of stress will now change to a feeling happiness!

I can now hear you ask about how the Senior Director of Stress Elimination now handles the commotion that she has now generated? Well, the answer is quite simple, she has a coffee break and leaves it to the corporate IT Help Desk to sort out!

Fifteen minutes later, when everything has now settled down, she returns quietly to her desk and awaits for her next stress relieving opportunity to assist a fellow work colleague….

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