The Gingerbread People

Happy Biscuit

The freshly baked gingerbread men and women with an impressive and distinctive corporate logo stamped across their chest were carefully placed on each employee’s desk in the early hours of the morning. It was the last day of work before Xmas and the department manager had spent many hours tirelessly baking that morning in preparation for the annual ritual of gingerbread person desk placement.

The time was now 6 AM and with the task of distribution completed, he decided to find a quiet corporate sick-bay bed and have a couple of hours sleep before his fellow employees arrived in the office to gleefully devour their eagerly anticipated baked gourmet morsels with an accompanying cup of coffee or tea.

But this year, something rather different and decidedly odd occurred. At about 6:15 AM there was a discreet, yet distinctive, sound of pastry movement. Yes, on some of the poorly lit office desks, an occasional little gingerbread arm and foot was beginning to display some rather unique humanistic characteristics. But not all gingerbread people sprung to life?

At 6:30 AM, some baked people of gingerbread DNA were leaping and gesticulating with extensive social skills and were having a great time getting to know each other and exchanging various bodily crumbs. However, some of their other baked relatives were just lying there in a motionless state, whilst others were still experiencing the joy of minimal hand movement with no prospect of running amuck!

Just before the department manager took his last snuff of slumbered bliss signalling that it was time to awake, an internal motion ceasing sensor was triggered in each of the gingerbread people and those that were mobile all dropped down on the spot and once again became just a baked stationary figurine.

As the employees started to arrive at their desks, some were greeted with a large number of scrumptious gingerbread people. Many of the staff found a single gingerbread person on their desk in the exact same position that it has been placed by the manager, others, found none at all. So, the question that you are all thinking is, why do some people have more gingerbread than others? The answer is fairly obvious if you have studied the traits of gingerbread culture and society, but if you do not have this educational knowledge, let me explain.

It all has to do with the energy and creativity that is exhibited by those employees in your corporate office that are innovative. These people are the lifeblood of your organization and they stimulate and encourage all sorts of ideas and inspirational thinking that some of you may think is a little bit way out. But, without these people, there is no imagination, and no hope that fictional ideas such as gingerbread people coming to life could ever exist. So it is really any wonder why the gingerbread people flocked to these people’s desks?

When next you are fortunate enough to hold a gingerbread person, prior to that first chomp of delight, may I suggest you stop and think and question yourself about your level of innovation and whether your personality entitles you to eat just one, or maybe more?

The Secret Wandering Wofter Xmas Tally

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At 9:37 PM on the 24th December in all innovative corporate organizations, a dim yellow light can be seen permeating under the door of a room that is hidden to most employees. This room, one that is normally dormant and unregistered in the corporate room-booking directory, is on this occasion full of virtuous activity.

On sneaking into the room, you will see it jam-packed with all the “Wandering Wofters” who have a secret role in the corporate organization, that being to see which employees have been “good” and those who have been “naughty” throughout the year.

The “Wandering Wofters” will all be sitting at a large table eating mince tarts, shortbread, smoked salmon and copious quantities of fresh prawns which are all being swilled down with many large corporate flagons containing the company accredited beverage.

Each “Wofter” will have a complete list of employee names and they will systematically vote on each of their co-workers. Those employees who have been “exceptionally good” receive 3 votes, those who have been “relatively good” get 2 votes, those who have just turned up to the office and logged on to their computer get the mandatory 1 vote.

However, for those employees who have been naughty, look out! Those employees who have:

a) Participated in the office Kris Kringle without providing a present (-3 votes)
b) Attended the office Xmas party without wearing the customary party hat, didn’t dance or play in the games (-2 votes)
c)  Those that have had a perpetual look of boredom and doom on their face throughout the corporate year (-1 vote)

At the conclusion of the Wofter voting process, all the votes are counted and the “Grand Wandering Wofter” (a very esteemed Wofter role with secret corporate privileges) delivers the result to the CEO who now applies their corporate Xmas “spirit and cheer” that becomes effective at midnight.

Those employees with a positive voting outcome receive “certain benefits” in the following year that range from job promotion, improved seating position, better coffee, access to the CEO lunch left-overs, etc, the magnitude being linked to the number of positive votes obtained. Those with the negative votes may find themselves now sitting further away from the cafeteria, nearer the noisy air-conditioning vent or experience that their swipe card to the employee car park occasionally fails leading to many embarrassing honks from frustrated co-workers. For the employee with the most negative score, I would be scared to provide you with the specific details for fear of personal Wofter reprisal! Needless to say, this employee’s working life next year will be intolerable!

So when you are next considering how you should behave in the corporate office, be aware that a Wandering Wofter will be secretly studying your every move and will be quietly observing how your personality influences those around you from a working and an innovative perspective.

As a parting gesture, on behalf of all the Wondering Wofters that frequent your corporate office, may I wish you all a merry Xmas and a happy new year!