The Male V

6a00d8341c5b6153ef011570eacef6970b-300wi

What was the cause? The effect was indeed quite noticeable, and one that had been surreptitiously permeating the male physique for the past few years with minimal commentary from the more discerning female adult population who normally observe these things.

As I stood shamelessly in front of the hotel bathroom mirror whilst on a recent business trip with all but a white pristine bath towel encapsulating my lower half, I made a virtuous decision on behalf of corporate mankind to try and understand the origin of this visual perplexity. I looked at myself and realised that I, like many other men, was also not immune from this male condition.

Now before I proceed too far, you as an inquisitive reader might be wondering as to the potential side effects of this uniquely male malady, and more importantly, its impact on those that come into close male physical proximity. Firstly, relax, as the influence is positive and one that signals to the naked chest observer that the man beholden to this condition is highly innovative and a vigilant embellisher of a free thought.

The main visual clue is a sun-bleached v-shaped band of thick wavy chest hair that starts just below the male adult neck line and continues for a typical distance of about four inches in a downward direction. After extensive research utilising the detailed observation skills of many office based corporate female colleagues, a uniform and consistent visual theme started to emerge to which there can be no question, nor doubt of authenticity.

The chest follicular condition is believed to have first surfaced in the 1960s and 70s when many a business man elected to have a shirt dress code that was rather devoid of buttons. As the decades unfolded, men chose to portray a regressive and traditionally conservative closed shirt collar policy that supported a full neck length tie. However, over the past few years, men have discarded these formal fashion knotted links to the past and have gleefully accepted an open collared shirt prowess that has been readily approved by the business world as a sign confirming their creativity.

The consequence of this decisive fashion action has been exponential male chest hair freedom, a complete contrast to the historical times where they had been subjected to a barrage of restrictive shirt button protection and coverage. These empowered and unconstrained hairs are now able to reach their full bushy length potential and grow with unity in a v-shaped formation in solidarity with their DNA facial haired brothers.

So, should you, like me, no longer be a wearer of the business tie, may you flaunt your chest hairs in public with pride as you let all onlookers appreciate that you are doing your bit for the growth of innovation and creativity in the corporate office!

The Office Revolution

Boldly Masculine Design

The alarm bell screeched with maximum volume! The Manager’s heartbeat immediately started to pound loudly as this was the first time that she had heard the sound, after all, it had never actually gone off before….ever! Other Managers around her also started to run around in a panic as they too had no idea what to do. The worried Managers huddled together as they quickly searched through their book of corporate policies and procedures. Finally, on page 272, there they found the answer. It was a “non-conformity” alarm! But how was it activated, and how do they stop this continual noise permeating through their normally quiet office floor?

Unbeknownst to the Managers, one of their employees had decided to mount a personal revolt!

Let’s go back to 8:30 AM that morning to understand the origin of this mystery!

Employee number 468136, aka Bernard Smith, arrived at his allocated work station. His desk was the same as every other desk on his office floor. It was white, immaculately tidy, a computer placed centrally, 4 piles of primary coloured folders on the left side, and had a standard black chair with his name branded on the back. Bernard was dressed in his black suit, white shirt and company embellished logo tie, just like all his fellow male workers.

At precisely 8:31 AM, each employee started to type on their computer and the day commenced just like every other day. However, at 8:32 AM, Bernard stopped work. He looked up and down the line of desks, each positioned in a perfectly straight line so as to not break the red laser beam, and thought…..”enough”, as a bead of sweat slowly rolled down his forehead.

To the amazement of those sitting around him, he took off his tie and undid the top button of his business shirt. Silence and an uneasy feeling quickly started to prevail. Bernard had taken the first step to his creative freedom and it felt good! As his confidence increased, he messed up his 4 folder piles. Then he did something completely radical, he moved his desk over the laser line and turned it by a full 180 degrees. He was now facing into the office, rather than a wall!

Little did Bernard know that once his newly re-positioned desk broke the red laser beam, an alarm would be triggered……

The Managers now knew the cause of the alarm and initiated an immediate and successful remedy. They decided to quickly reconfigure all work desks with Bernard’s new alignment so each and every desk now faced inwards. Once again quietness was instilled in the office as all desks now looked precisely the same as all the others. As the week progressed, the bewildered employees slowly got used to their new desk view until normality once again was achieved.

But not for Bernard, he still had no tie around his neck and there was no way he was going back to that form of corporate fashion control. He liked his messy folder pile and the air movement around his uncollared neck. It was time for revolution……!!

Coat Buttons Undone

Winter Walk

In the colder months of the year, should you quickly glance at the commuting business person when they are travelling to and from the office, it is most likely that you will notice a common corporate appearance – black coat, single coloured scarf and the occasional dark gloves. If it is raining, the umbrella is usually of a colour to complement the coat, once again…black.

However, when this worker arrives at the office and disrobes their black coat and scarf, there is an observed vibrancy of coloured shirts, ties, suits and skirts.

To me this is an interesting conundrum.

All these workers have a similar external appearance as typified by the black coat, yet once the “coat buttons are undone”, each of them has their own unique dress style that expresses their individual personality.

So in the office environment, don’t judge a person’s character and capability by their external persona. Try to get to understand them better when they have been given the opportunity to demonstrate some of their hidden talents!