The Innovative Procrastinator

We all have at least one of these people in the corporate office. They are known as the Innovative Procrastinator and are a major thwart in any business. They are analogous to an annoying rose thorn that is lodged deeply in your finger, you can quickly identify the prick via the pain created, but they are tricky to get rid of without some personal discomfort. The common and most widely used method of eradication is to strategically cut the person free before they infect those around them and kill off any growth of corporate joy and creativity.

However, relax, as the Innovative Procrastinator nonchalantly displays the following clues as to their character which will assist you purging them from your organisation. As the name suggests, they are usually quite innovative and may exhibit one or more of these behaviours.

Clue 1: Busy
Like any office pest, they have a public catch-phrase that quickly and publicly differentiates them from your other valuable and hardworking employees. This is the squawk of “I’m so busy!” This is frequently accompanied with a further supporting comment stating that they need additional resources and more time as they just can’t do their job without help.

Clue 2: Sick Leave
Yep, as they are “so busy”, they tend to be sick quite often as they need time to recoup from the “stress” of their job. Unfortunately, this tends to compound the problem as they are now spending more time “resting” at home rather than catching up on their ever increasing work in the office.

Clue 3: Mobile Phone
The Innovative Procrastinator typically spends most of their working day on social media, messaging and speaking to everyone else except those that are work colleagues. To tell if this is the case with your employee, just pick up their phone and if it is warm to the touch, you can safely assume that it has been in their hand for an extended period of non-related work time.

Clue 4: Work Diary
Their diary will have massive blocks of time blocked out, typically around morning coffee, lunch and afternoon tea time. Their work day never starts before 9 AM and at precisely 5 PM, you will feel the violent wind gust on your face as they speedily exit the building.

Clue 5: Coffee
You guessed correctly! They are always at the café waiting for their exotic cup of coffee whilst having a deep and meaningful chat with anyone that will listen to them.

Now should you unfortunately have one of these recalcitrant employees in your office, the time to act is now as things will only get worse should you let their behaviour go unchecked. But the Innovative Procrastinator is a clever individual and they will defend their busyness with a plethora of theoretically valid assertions that justify their continued work existence. However, don’t be fooled, take action immediately, before you lose your mind with massive frustration and thoughts of justified corporate wickedness.

Grand Chef de Woft

Transparency 3

As I patiently sat awaiting instructions from the occupants of Conference Room 1, I smugly took the opportunity to look around my master chef kitchen. Although small, and positioned strategically beneath the Conference Room, it was a classy place, full of the latest stainless-steel cooking appliances, pans, other key requisite implements, and one that was dutifully restocked on a daily basis with the latest aromatic worldly delights.

In my position of “Grand Chef de Woft”, I felt honoured in the knowledge that I was fully appreciated by those that gleefully awaited my gourmet creations to stimulate, and motivate their creativity and hunger for innovation.

Unbeknownst to me, my work colleagues above had now entered Conference Room 1 and were preparing to start their 9 AM team meeting. They all gathered around the “woft box” and unanimously agreed upon their selection. As they were all feeling quite hungry and lethargic, they desperately needed an appropriate thought woft stimulation. They selected the popular “woft number 3”, and immediately the instruction was conveyed to me and I sprung into action.

I placed the freshly brewed coffee and pan-fried onions under the woft extraction fan that was positioned centrally over my stove, and then turned it on to maximum woft velocity. Conference Room 1 quickly filled with “woft number 3” and the occupants marvelled at the odours that were soon to completely fill their room. As is standard practice, at the conclusion of their meeting, they closed the vent of woft and opened the outside windows to allow the fresh air to permeate into the room, thereby eliminating any residual odours in preparation for the next occupants of Conference Room 1.

At 11 AM, I was instructed to convey “woft number 7”. Experience told me that these colleagues were struggling, and I promptly boiled copious amounts of strong peppermint tea. A few seconds later, the woft of peppermint engulfed the meeting room to which sighs of relief were loudly heard by those above, thereby signalling their motivational satisfaction.

This process continued all day until 5 PM when the lights in Conference Room 1 were turned off and my colleagues packed up their bags and happily headed home.

Knowing that my important role was now done, I also tidied up my kitchen and departed the corporate office. I left with a sense of achievement, knowing that I had provided the required woftful environment that lead to many new ideas being generated in Conference Room 1. I smiled with satisfaction on a job well done!

Colleagues….I want that coconut!

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Looking up at the coconut which appears quite strongly adhered to the lofty heights of the palm tree, my mind starts to actively permeate thoughts of how I could knock the little bugger off the branch and get it!

The options available to me are:
1. To climb up the tree and cut it off?
2. Throw a large projectile with maximum force?
3. Bribe someone to make the required climbing effort for me?
4. Sit here and wait for the coconut to naturally fall off in its own good time?

As I’m an impatient man, I decided to use option 5 and just cut the tree down thereby gaining easy access to the long anticipated item.

Now that I have attained this coconut prize, what should I do with it? The choices and decisions seem to never end!

This coconut analogy is quite similar to how we generate and develop new ideas in the corporate office.
Just like the process of attaining the coconut, we have many options available to us. We can use group discussions, brainstorming, team meetings, quiet walks, or sit in solitude hoping for that gem of an idea to come forward and materialise!

Once we have the idea (the coconut) what do we then do with it? How do we develop it into a commercially successful opportunity that generates income for the corporate business? Or do we just “settle”, and accumulate our ideas (or coconuts) for a day in the future when they may be required?

The choice is yours, but whilst I sit here looking up at that sneaky little and illusive coconut, I will always want to get it and develop thoughts of what that coconut may initiate!

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